Friday, January 3, 2014

The Past, The Future And The In Between.

Greeting.

I just turned 22 a few days ago. And the so called new year has brought collective of memories flashing into my mind in a split second, and requires almost all of us (or maybe it is just me), to reflect upon what had happened in the past, what will then happen in near future, and what is going to happen now.

The fact I grow older each day made me realized that age is just a number. It doesn't carry that much important meaning behind those numbers, but what makes those days beyond meaningful actually struck me hard. How am I going to lead my life onward. With torn sail, continuously degraded motivation, broken compass and unyielding weather. Well, warm wishes and a birthday cake do make me smile.

While a couple years ago I battled against myself, confused between which path should I take, an internal struggle in searching for an identity. And last year, I found myself battled against my own principles. A contradiction, oh the irony. While I set myself loose, you can say that I won the battle but I lost the war.

I felt broken inside to think that I'm willing to break my own beliefs and principles, ergo I am convinced those things will help me go through any obstacles I may found in this short journey, something entailed to my smooth-and-sometimes-turbulent life.

The same theme of life, no matter how hard your tried, how much pain you bore, you'll find much of yourself encounter the same thing all over again, perhaps in different forms. The moment you enjoy rolling in light and clarity, darkness came without warning. As if you were watching a beautiful sunset, the orange sky with lilac hue set aglow, big tidal wave hit ashore and you swayed a little. But much to your chagrin, you found yourself standing and your feet were still buried in the soft white sand.

Those perky nights with light drizzle with how may times I leaned on my pillow and thought overflow till dawn yet never did once I cherish a sunrise. Wondering what will I do from now on seems to lead me in deep confusion when I'm already confused, like a maze in a maze. Mazeception ! How can a person be filled with life and then be empty? Where does it all go? Doesn't make sense don't you think?

One thing that makes me rest assured, no one knows what will happen in 10, 20, 30 years from now. The future belongs to you and you only. No one can take that privilege from you. With that, you can always start from scratch, turning over a new leaf every time you mess up, rationally if only you realize what you did wrong and take a step behind, or a u-turn, tie your shoe laces then start running again. It's just that simple. provided you stop being embarrassed of making a mistake - hey everyone did ! - and have courage.

Your will is Allah's will. But Allah's will is solely His. But when there's faith in God and His judgement, don't you think that is enough? How much misleading it can be? Firmly, none.

I went through a lot. As much as you are (readers, if I have one). I saw the same things and a different one. Plan ruined, contingency planning didn't cut. And I lose hope countless of times too. But here I am, still breathing and having an ounce of energy left to write this post.

Life, pretty much hard to interpret. Profound knowledge, you are going to learn anyway for everything is a lesson. That's how it is for everyone. No doubt.

And for new year resolution, it's all about honesty here. I have none. I can't think of one, yet I think I succeed completing 2013's. Or so. At this age also, everyone keep asking and pestering me about marriage. I'll be married by now if it were that easy. And to think that when your friends are getting married and they send you an invitation, it creates that much tension, the so called peer pressure. Personally, I do think about marriage a lot, but giving it a go, there are much things left I haven't done. So, putting marriage aside, I'd like to enjoy a slow train ride.

I want to make a lot of money this year. I'm jobless, still a student, so I really need to make a budget cut and spend wisely though I have a knack for wasting money for food. Great food especially. Thinking of travelling. That's why I need money. I want to see the world again, hoping that I've already gained quite enough of lens to see things through. And to end this post,

Happy New Year ! Have a great year ahead !

Though I'm three days late to wish that. Smile often people :)


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