A Retreat Into Nature

It is totally worth it to venture into the wilderness, exploring forest and trees and nature, breathing fresher air and glazing the sun while sunbathing on a rocky cold river.

Going back to nature is my favourite retreat.

I just came back from an overnight camping trip to a nearby waterfall (I guess you can just google Lata Medang). The trip wasn't that awesome entirely, but I kinda remember why is it worth to tire yourself for some kind of majestic view that the nature can offer, as well as the mysterious vibes it possessed.

The journey to Lata Medang took us about 2 hours. 2 hours of trekking, along hills, small alleys, steep slopes, orchards owned by local people (orang asli), and small stream of water. Luck wasn't on our side, the moment we were about to start the journey, heavy rain fell. I guess I couldn't say that rain was a sign of bad luck, rainfall is in fact a blessing from God. But it was pouring down heavily. We started walking. With heavy bag carried on our shoulders (guess how sore it is to bear a beg weighed about 10 kilos for two hours with uneven earth road surfaces). We were drenched and soaked the moment we took our first step into the jungle trail. I guess the track wasn't that bad since I didn't suffer any leg cramps. But with slippery road, heavy bag, and heavy rain, I couldn't say the journey was easy either.

For a brief moment, the jungle was covered in light mist which made the view was kinda breathtaking. Beautiful and mysterious at the same time. I stopped for a while, admiring what was in front of my eyes, but sadly my phone couldn't capture that same view. I savoured, by taking a deep breath.

We continued to walk, shivering, and taking a few 5 minutes breaks, and finally reached our camping site. We were totally soaked. All my clothes were wet, I had a leech bit on my right leg, and the view of the waterfall wasn't as expected due to strong current from the upstream, so the water was kinda cloudy and yellowish in colour (like teh tarik, or we called it 'keruh'). But for the sake of surviving the night, we rushed to set up the tents and hoping the upcoming night is not cold as what we've experienced from our previous outdoor trip. As I had no dry cloth to wear, I just wore one of my dry-fits (dry-fit clothes tend to dry faster) but still, I can feel the cold seeped into my bones and all my arm hairs were like erected (like the chill when you have a goosebump).

We had our dinner, and by 8, everything was covered in darkness.

Darkness that illuminates. It was after the final exam, and we obviously much needed a retreat.

The best thing for me are just plain cracker and good hot coffee. Sitting by the river, hearing crickets sound, sometimes a cool cozy wind blew in, the sound of flowing water, a glimpse of moonlight and stars through the big trees and leaves, surrounding by the sound of nature is a bliss and remedy to the mind and soul.

I want to feel it again, ever and madly.

p/s: I didn't know I still have some few draft posts saved in this blog. This post was written in 2014. Reread and rewritten 4 years later.

Save by Oneself

Dear past me,

Thank you for being emotional and to channel all those feelings in this blog.

There are lots of things that have been bothering me lately.

And for quite some period of time, my mind has been clouded with thoughts.

All the while, all posts in this blog have been reminding me again what kind of goal I once had in the past.

Thank you for saving me.

Love,
Your Present Self

Tumblr

Sorry, been spending more time on tumblr for the past few months.

seaofyellow.tumblr.com

Finding My First Job

I'm sorry. I was supposed to update this blog  a week ago. But then, I was quite busy. At the moment, I have several job interviews till the end of May.

Yeah, finding a job is quite stressful. Finding a decent one is very tough. Most employers didn't want a fresh graduate as they prefer someone with work experience for at least 3 years. Okay, the reason is probably most local companies didn't want to spend some money and time to train new people. I presume. Economy is bad you know.

So, while people aim at several companies, mostly the famous one, to find their first job, I've been digging jobstreet, linkedin, statutory bodies, engineering articles, to find a company which offers engineering services and consultancy.

Speaking of the subject at hand, I've already applied to about 100 different companies, both local and international, though I don't really have high hope for international bodies. Most of them didn't cover work visa, and they prefer those who have citizenship or permanent resident status (to the countries you are applying to). Thus, Malaysia and Singapore are my best choices.

I already have a draft for my Japan Trip the other day, I just need to review it a bit but I don't really have time. Or maybe I was just plain lazy. It will be posted here, sooner or later.

Sorry again !

By the way, those who have suggestion on the company list, could you drop a comment or two, it'll be helpful. If you can help forwarding my resume, I'll treat you to a coffee (smile).

Okay, that was kinda, like a, bribery, no, yes, maybe?

Adieu.

p/s: I have a degree in civil engineering majoring in geotechnical / structural

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Insyaallah, akan di update dalam masa terdekat

A freeman, but not

I suffered from several back pains, stiff shoulder, headaches and moments of desperation during the past five days.

Thesis submission is due on Monday.

As a part of fulfilment of my degree, thesis is a must. It's a big thing, it is bigger than my love of coffee. All of the sudden, thesis become so important after I finished my last paper for final exam as it determines whether I can graduate or not this semester. I've been in the education system for too long, a total of 16 years as of now and the desire to break free from the entanglement of pain and suffering of formal education has been built for so many years and today it erupts like a blazing volcano.

I've completed almost all of it, I just need to format it according to the specification of my university and to check for any plagiarism and finally, printing three copies of it. I've got to apologize for not keeping this blog updated in a frequent manner and the last time I wrote was in early January.

I haven't had enough sleep for five days, and I think if this is going to continue for another two days, I might pass out sooner or later. But Alhamdullillah, praise to the Almighty Lord, I was able to finish my thesis; at least for the main content. But it was such a relief; I sighed long enough but deeply inside, I feel contented.

Sweats and efforts for the past 6 months finally come to an end. I will become a freeman, but not.

Living is not that easy. I haven't think about it yet, what I want to do after this. I am someone who most of the time just going with flow. I actually lack motivation, and I don't really have any particular interest. Either I choose to continue doing Master, or simply find a full time job, or perhaps becoming a teacher, there is going to be lots of things waiting for me down the road.

In this world, there is no a freeman. There are slaves, who are given the opportunity to make choices.

We might think we are free; not bound to any obligation and responsibility; we are wrong.

I wish to write more, but I really need to get some sleep. Do pray for me :)

See you !

In Love, Ever Again

It's time to start anew. Each year, without missing, people will talk about new year resolution. As time goes by, some people just wouldn't want to talk about it again as making or deciding a new year resolution hasn't made any difference or change throughout their lives a year before. Or maybe the trend goes way back that people start to feel revulsion of the thought of having a resolution.

For me, it's not a bother at all. January may be the same for some people, but January also could make a difference. Having a resolution is not a crime, less a petty thing to have. You don't know what people have gone through a year before and what they wish for is perhaps another step forward, and January is all that they are betting for.

A step in January that could lead to other things. 

Each one of us, deep down, sincerely wish for good memory to happen but that's not the case for everyone. A friend of mine lost his beloved mother a few days ago. How heartbreaking he must has felt to have lost one of his dearest treasures when he is just about to get engaged, just starting a new job and it happened in January. I went to visit her mum in the hospital, and I felt like crying inside the ward. Of whom to comfort, I felt like I'm the one who was being comforted instead of him and the rest of his family. An acceptance to let our precious one to go and left us behind certainly requires courage beyond physical and emotional strength.

Ergo, I don't feel the need to mock people who decide to change in January. In a way, January is what they have left.

I decided to be in love, ever again. To be in love with myself and the people around me as well in what I'll do in the coming days. I wish to fulfil anything I desire for the goodness of  people whom I care a lot. To be a more loving one than what I used to be, in January I pray it'll begin.

In January, I met again a person. Adorable as she is but a dork at times. A person who can point out my weaknesses, but at the same time giving off such an affectionate vibe. Her words may hurt, but as I decided I will not be ever in denial any more, I accepted her words. And I wish she accepted mine. My wounded night heals over her smiles and goodnight wishes, and I couldn't ask for more.

Acceptance. More than ever, what I had hoped for.

Acceptance to oneself, to be decent and a little bit stronger.

To mend heart that is hard like a rock, and to mend soul which illuminates,

To grasp hand in need, and to return love that is given.

That's all I long for.