Don't you think that a year feels like nothing? Or it is just me?
Yes, I'm writing again after so long though actually I have no idea what to talk about, but since new year is coming, I guess I should write something on this blog to commemorate the end of 2014 and the beginning of 2015.
Reflection, theme which people constantly write about, cliché as it can be . However, people keep forgetting, like I am today, so I couldn't comment on that actually and I should just nod my head obediently. People need to be kept reminded, yeah, no?
A moment ago, I was working under the sun, with shades on, wearing my blue uniform, and all of a sudden, I entered my final year of study. Now I am busy with design project and so forth. In that slow passing of time, there were so many sequences of events that took place that I seemed to forget or went unnoticed, not because I deliberately forget them, but I think I was occupied with something else. I was busy.
2014 was a busy year for me. I think I did a lot of things this year. I was infatuated and frustrated at the beginning of the year. So to make up for that, you know, keeping your mind (and heart) off the topic and subject, being busy was one of the things. Honestly, it didn't work out that well.
Still, it was hectic. It was breathtaking. Being broken and heal and having swirling of emotions at times while holding a cup of tea and stare blankly into the dark sky almost every night. It has become a habit, or an unexpected hobby including leaning on the wall, sometimes.
2014, was like any other year. I had fun. Not to forget things that were bitter. That sensation of life is a proof to our very own existence even in pain. It signifies in a certain way, we are just humans.
Of all the philosophies, arts and poetries, that I have tried to escape into, the sole reason is not that I ran away, I went there to restore my own self to attach back bits and pieces which crumbled along the journey into whole ones again.
You know what is the best time to reflect and think, I never thought this actually work, and you can say that I found it in a funny way, the laundry shop ! That kind of laundry shop where you do it yourself. Yup, there was one moment I went there because I had no more clean clothes and I went there at midnight. There was no one else, I was alone. As I sat there waiting for my clothes to be done, I went to nearby 7e and bought a Pocky. I was eating, one by one, and suddenly it became heavy. I was in deep thought as I stared my clothes being washed, turning and swirling in a circular motion. It was weird, even so I felt calm. I felt contented with myself, with all circumstances and turning of events.
I know I have a lot to improve on, nonetheless, there are still lots of things to cherish,
And today, I am 23.
That was quite lengthy of time to be living.
What I have now is also quite plenty compared to others.
I wish to stay grateful.
I wish to be a more loving one.
With all my heart.
With all my heart.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Thursday, December 11, 2014
After so long that I couldn't almost remember what affection feels like. I still wonder what kind of bond I share with people around me, with me being reserved most of the time I perhaps unconsciously treating them as an acquaintance only.
That indeed, it's difficult for me to speak of love and affection when the bonds I'm sharing with various people are mere ragged knot which is about to break.
Bond, as such, becomes quite complicated as time passes by. People change, you change. And you can't expect people to be the same when they've gone through living during all that period of time you are missing in their lives and not by their side.
Many words to be said. Meanings to be shared. But sadly, at the moment, none of these happens.
When familiar becomes unfamiliar.
When bond breaks.
When love is unknown and affection loses its grace and dignify sense that connects between two souls.
There's no eye, ear and shoulder to turn to,
There's no home to return to,
How to feel needed again?