Monday, December 31, 2012

Random And Radical Boredom #24

I have quite a lot of things in hand right now. Rasa macam dua tangan tak cukup jer. Kena tambah lagi dua.

So, I can't update anything as of now. But I'll post something sooner. Tengah serabut sikit sekarang. Dengan final project kena hantar esok, baru selesai majis tahlil, bufday ! yay ! and more.

Do keep in touch, and earlier than ever, happy new year !

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Vid: The Blind Boy Who Doesn't Want To See Again

Oh, I can view the video but I can't play it in full screen. In case this also happens to you, here is a link.

Sorry for the long title. But this is a must watch video. I've seen it before and I cried my eyes out. I watched it again, and I cried again. Nevertheless, I found that I can embedded this video in my blog, so here it is.

I don't know what to say if I have ever met this boy. Admire yes, pitiful yes. But at the end of the video, a simple yet fearful question will be asked upon us during the day of judgement.

How would you ask Allah to excuse you on the doomsday?

A lot of people want to change but the excuse they give to us is always the same. I'm waiting for hidayah to come for me to change. Hidayah, nur, guidance or whatever you prefer to call them is already there, bestowed upon us since the birth of Muhammad and the relevation of the Quran. More than 1000 years ago. So what hidayah are you looking for?

Personally, I don't think we need to pray to Allah to show his guidance or the easiest word we can understand is "petunjuk" right in front of our face. We all know the fact that humans are the best creation of Allah. When we are among the best creations, there must be something in us that makes us the best creation of all. Some people say it is 'Aql' which differentiate us humankind from animals. But there must be something.

When we have a mind of our own, to my understanding shaytan also can think. But they don't live physically in our world. That makes us no different if we say that 'aql' is what makes us the best creation. Indeed, Allah has given numerous of blessing that we couldn't possibly name all of them. But between us and shaytan, maybe, we have the power of transgress. 

We are sinners. But the blessing that Allah has personally given, a great privilege, is our own potential to transgress to goodness and a fear that is bound only to Allah. Like what this kid has realised. Maybe he has seen something that we don't, we don't know for sure but if my sight were taken from me, I might give up on this life during that moment.

All in all, I really admire this kid. Not all people have the will to survive like that and still putting a smile, and he knows what fear of Allah means. 

"And it is He who produced for you hearing and vision and hearts; little you are grateful. And it is He who has multiplied you throughout the earth and to Him you will gather. And it is He who gives life and caused death, and His is the alternation of the night and the day. Then will you not reason?"

[Al-Mukminun, 78 - 80]

It's 3 a.m. I wish to write more. I'm kinda tired and I usually need to arrange my sentences before writing anything long, so I think I'll stop at this point. Anyway, watch the video.

Sedih gila siak. Sobs. 

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Books and More Books

I went to Big Bad Wolf again yesterday. Knowing strolling around right and left, back and forth will just tire me out, and I don't really have any more books to buy, I thought of getting a book and sit at a corner reading it while waiting for my friends to choose what books they want to buy.

The way of books perhaps, immersing yourself in just a book and try to understand what the author wants to convey as if you're there all along. Non-fiction section was where I stood last night. And I got carried away a little bit, but I think last night has quite an impact. Not to mention I laughed all by myself reading "F in Exams". Seriously, that book just hit me and I can't stop laughing. Sorry lah Eman ek. Haha.

Hence, a summary of deep thought and my wanderlust into books last night.

There, he said it - "Vision of Paradise"

Love is not only restricted to men and women. Not to mother and child. Love is there when you want a person to be happy. And a cool dad - "Love"

History fascinates me. During the World War I, the number of casualties were more than 37 millions, including the life of civilians and armies. But then, a soldier is also a creature of emotions. Peace is attained by bloodshed, but at spur of the moment, rarely still, a soldier did smile. - "World War I, Life in Trenches"

Infamous landmark in Paris during its early construction. The Eiffel Tower. Eiffel is a hundred percent made out of steel. It is about 300 m height and increase or decrease its height by roughly 7.5 cm during the summer / winter. A thing that is related to civil engineering, a course that I chose to pursue - "Work"

Religion is indeed a very powerful tool. Once you're devoted to something, nothing can shaken your faith. And one of the most devoted religious people is Buddhist monk. For people to abandon everything for their own belief is not something easy to do, hence I pay respect to them. Though we are of different religions, but the meaning of faith and devotion can be taught by example. - "Vision of Paradise"

Eqypt is one of the four earliest ancient civilizations existed in the world and after thousands of years, its traces can still be seen today. How much technology has drifted further - maybe it has surpassed what we've achieved today - no one really knows. How did they find a source to invent many things that benefit today's people is still a mystery. Did you know, our calendar was established based on old Egyptian calendar? A fun fact for you - "The Art of Pharaoh"

Picture of men unrolling rugs for prayers in Mecca. Erti hidup pada memberi, The meaning of life is in giving, quoting Saifulislam. Charity is a way to reallign ourselves. When we see suffering of people, we intended to give some of what we have. But in some circumstances, we couldn't do anything for them. But charity has many forms. Things that we didn't think of or oversee maybe can be considered as charity. Donate just a little of what we have, even just a smile - "Vision of Paradise"

Something that can make you roll on the floor, laughing hardly that you ended up embarrassing yourself and your friends. But who cares? This is good stuff.

p/s: I'm home and sick.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Vid: Beatles FTW

All you need is love. It's a disgrace to attack other people's faith like that be it any religion unless it really promotes violence. But to my understanding after reading books about comparative religion not so long ago, none of them mentions anything that can be interpreted as violence. All religions promotes peace, otherwise it won't be called a religion, neither do people will actually accept it. Even children know that much.

And for the record, listen to The Beatles.

All you need is love ! Love is all you need !

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Untitled #9

Bagaimana kita boleh menyangka ukhuwah itu
Akan sentiasa segar di hati kita,
Sedangkan ukhuwah itu berpaksikan iman,
Yang fitrahnya naik dan turun?

-Abu Syahid ( Zahid )-

My two cents on this. While we're longing for human affection, I think we might forget something, that above all relationships in this world  is our connection to the Almighty. This connection is build by imaan, and to sustain that imaan, we need mujahadah and we also need istiqomah. But the most crucial thing, pointed by Zahid, is the nature of imaan itself.

Yang fitrahnya naik dan turun

Our imaan can go up and down. To ponder such a strong statement ( it's not baseless and it's actually a fact ), then what about love? I'm actually afraid to talk about love. For me, love and imaan are almost the same thing. Love has a deep meaning behind the word itself that we can never actually define the term by our linguistic ability. Love is more than a noun, love is also a verb.

When I say love is almost the same as imaan, the only word I can think of love is goodness. And this goodness is not subjective as we might think that the meaning differs for each people. Goodness here is what is implored by Allah in the Quran, and what is demonstrated by our Prophet. That is what I mean by goodness. 

Be kind to our neighbour is love. Be considerate to other people including enemy is love. Take care of our nature is love. Meeting people and leaving them is love. Even removing something that might harm people on the road (wood block, thorn etc) is love. While all the good actions are considered as parts of love, I assured you that love is maybe the highest form of faith, it is the pinnacle of imaan.

We are really familiar with Ar-Rahman (Maha Pemurah, Entirely Merciful) and Ar-Rahim (Maha Penyayang, Specially Merciful). And there is another one, Al-Wadud (Maha Pencinta, Most Loving). Allah bathes his blessing to all people in the world without exception (Ar-Rahman) and a special blessing for those who follow His guidance and avoid doing what He has prohibited (Ar-Rahim) and He also is the Most Loving One. When Allah possesses the nature of love, love then again can be defined as being merciful to all creations existed in this world, be it humans, animals or nature.

Thus, none should utter the word love so aimlessly when we don't know that love actually holds a greater part of what life is all about. The more good deeds we do, the more we have attained love. And vice versa, the more harms we do including to ourselves, our level of 'love' is decreasing. When the nature of love has change from linguistic definition of human being to what has been outlined for imaan, perhaps love is basically similar to imaan.

While in Islam we refer our form of faith as imaan, our knowledge of this dunya and our fitrah of seeking purity and Oneness may conjure a different definition that can be understood solely by our races, which is the word love. When imaan is rooted in the heart, then to speech and finally to limbs, the same condition is applied to love. Heart, word and action.

Hence, when someone mentions love, we should not only think about the human interaction that we are familiar with and longing for. Love is the greatest of all.

So, why not take the definition of love to a higher level?

p/s: I got the job offer at Brunsfield. And I'm thinking of accepting it. Maybe I'll have to suffer for about 5 months, commuting from Kajang to Damansara, but in a near future, it'll benefit me a lot. More than I'd expected. So yeah, I'll be signing the contract this Thursday. Thanks for the support and du'a. May Allah repay your kindness :)

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Life: Books For Holiday

I know my face definitely shows how excited I am. I haven't read a book except my textbooks for the past few months nor did I have sufficient money to buy some. Thanks to Big Bad Wolf, hence the smile on that picture.

I was planning to find Haruki Murakami's book, 1Q84 but after searching the whole hall, row by row, I couldn't find any. The fiction section is filled with some kind of novels suits for women, or the title and the cover didn't catch my attention at all, so I just bought one fiction novel. I stumbled on Yann Martel's work, Beatrice and Virgil. I have read Life of Pi before, so I bought Beatrice and Virgil because I think it might be interesting.

And another one is The Sellout. It's kinda related to economy and how the Wallstreet controls the economy of the world. I just grabbed the book the moment I saw the title. No second thought. I don't have that much knowledge in economy and little did I know how the economy of this country related to flow of cash throughout the world works, so I hope this book can offer me something.

Others, a book about ancient civilization, two for leisure reading, two for self-motivation and a Jamie Oliver cook book. I hope I can finish all of them during the holiday (after final exam) before I start working this February. Money well spent perhaps.

p/s: Now I'm officially a 'megane'. Megane = glasses. Yes, I wear glasses now. Doakan saya dapat kerja !

One more thing, al-Fatihah kepada En Wan Sazali (Cikgu BM) yang telah kembali ke rahmatullah semalam. Moga dikurniakan kesudahan yang baik untuk beliau, insyaAllah.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Song: Jatuh

It's okay to be a helpless-hopeless romantic - Juana Jaafar

p/s: I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it

Sunday, December 9, 2012

TTL #18

The tears were more than the smiles. The pain was more than delight. 
But the grass is greener where you water it.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Life: Minggu Yang Penat Dan Kecewa

Minggu-minggu akhir November / awal December ini agak sibuk. Kerja bertimbun atas meja. Tiap kali open laptop, nampak lah sticky notes dua tiga melekat dekat wallpaper, penuh dengan to-do-list.

Setiap minggu pack dengan lab. Mujur tinggal lab Survey last minggu depan. And lab report dah siap satu per satu. Tiap-tiap malam kerja aku menaip report jer. Ada lagi 3, insyaAllah siap semua hantar bagai jumaat ni. Weekend aku join volunteer. Aku dah cakap rasanya tapi tak berkesempatan nak tulis aku buat volunteer pasal apa. Lain kali lah, tapi serius join volunteer ni best. Kenal orang, dapat benda free, jalan sana jalan sini and yang penting lah bagi aku, weekend aku penuh dengan benda berfaedah, and syariah compliant. Takde benda-benda harom syaitonirrajim. So weekend dah terisi ada benda nak buat.

Tiap-tiap minggu asyik lepak mall jer. Duit pun habis. Mata tak payah cakap lah. Kalau mata ni tak lekat dekat kepala. dah merata dia jalan sendiri. Jaga mata please. Tapi satu benda je aku kecewa. Serius kecewa. Kecewa tahap apa pun aku tak tahu lah nak cakap apa.

Disamping buat kerja, takkan lah nak mengadap Word tu je 24 jam. Mestilah ada juga melencong sikit rehatkan otak. Aku pun main lah game Pokemon. Ada game lain tapi aku takut addict terlebih sangat so aku main Pokemon. Boleh kata sehari aku main dalam sejam lah. Siap lawan lagi dengan Sulem (Sulaimi) siapa ada pokemon lagi power. Dan-dan aku nak habis main dah game ni, pokemon aku semua dah power-power, sekali waktu nak save data, aku tersepak battery adapter, lappy's gone 'poooof'.

Arghhh, menjerit aku. Penat-penat main, sekali save data corrupt. Itu tandanya suruh aku buat kerja-kerja yang tak siap sebab final exam pun dah dekat. Kecewa serius kecewa. Sebab apa kecewa. Yelah sejam yang aku habiskan hari-hari bazir macam tu jer. Boleh lah sejam tu lain kali buat solat sunat ke, baca Quran / tafsir ke. Uhuk-uhuk, tersedak teruk ni. Rugi rugi rugi, kan?

Dah, aku nak sambung buat Structural Steel Design. Subjek killer sem ni. Weee, dapat 94 untuk Survey. Ada rezeki dapat kerja GIS dekat Hamburg. Terubat hati yang kecewa. Tapi still ah kecewa lagi.

Good luck rerakan untuk final. Rerakan = rakan-rakan. Jangan tanya aku, aku rasa kalau aku amik SPM balik, BM aku sedikit fail. Bukan fail eh, sedikit je fail.

By the way, jangan main Pokemon kerana Pokemon menggalakkan anda menjadi seorang yang animal abuse. Sobs, sobs lagi.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Life: Sky

Repost from old blog

The higher you jump reaching for the cloud, the bigger the impact on your body when you land on solid ground. But would you regret of getting hurt? Or feeling guilty of not trying to reach something beyond your capabilities in the first place?

Either way, in life, there is no absolute answer. All choices are correct. The only mistake we do is poor judgement. Be it spontaneous decisions or decisions you make after thinking all the consequences, you just have to go for it.

All in all, you'll find a way. You will, and surely, people will recognize the traces you leave behind. The result doesn't matter anymore.

Because you've already tried.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Untitled #8

Juno, 2007

I used to, trying real hard. I still do now and the only difference between now and the past is I actually enjoy what I'm doing. Life gets pretty messy sometimes, but it will untangle itself somehow, sort of. I joined a volunteer group to fill my weekend with something to do. Had dinner casually with old friends. On weekdays, burning the midnight oil studying, well most of the time I stayed up late to finish my reports and assignments.

Wandering in a car at midnight and stumbled on people fighting on the street, search for great food and restaurant all over the town. I have plenty. I already feel cool about myself.

Next? Internship experience, hopefully. Gamuda or UEM Builders, and maybe abroad. 

Grateful? More than ever, because I have plenty. 

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Random And Radical Boredom #23

Do you think that, in order for Malaysian to become a more civilized, well-mannered person, we actually need to disregard some of our own traditional customs?

Maybe, in a way, the tradition that has long lives inside us, moulding and shaping us Malaysian into an obnoxious person.

Modernity and custom can blend in together, but after witnessing an unpleasant scene among Malaysians, perhaps, we should think about it. It is not worth keeping something that will just makes us a worse human being than should we ever be.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Untitled #7

I'm actually reluctant to write about Gaza. Writing something that you don't have the full knowledge of and understanding is not really my style and I could have given a false alarm to others if I were to write about it. The outside world is at the edge of oblivion about Palestine.

Media press can't be trusted. I mean, what they published is not always covered the real situation about Israeli's occupation of Gaza because there is usually a twist when it comes to Palestinian territories. Thus, feeling ashamed, I could only be in solidarity with them and sent my prayer from afar. And Alhamdulillah, a ceasefire agreement has been signed from both sides with the mediation by the Egypt. Hopefully, our prayer doesn't stop here. And may Allah granted jannah to those who died, and strengthen their imaan and will to survive, to protect lives of their beloved people and to obtain peace and independence of their homeland.



Allahu Al-Musta'an

p/s: wide awake because I've Structural Steel Design test tomorrow. Though it's an open book test, you can never sit still or be satisfied when you need 3 books (EC3 Part 1-1, General Matter, and Design Worked Example) just to answer one steel design question. May the odd be ever in my favour :)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Maal Hijrah

I have few things to talk about regarding Maal Hijrah. But since I don't have enough evidence to support my argument, I don't think I can write about it.

But maybe exposing some of the important points is acceptable.

Regarding the du'a. Du'a akhir tahun and du'a awal tahun. People would recite the suratul Yassin and dua akhir tahun after Asr, then Yassin again along with the dua awal tahun after Maghrib prayer.

In Canada, most likely Muslims don't really bother with these specific ibadah during Awal Muharram. People will just celebrate the fact that it is a brand new year for Muslims. I thought to myself, maybe these ibadahs are just another creation (bid'ah) like any other ibadahs Malay people do. So I googled about it and I was right. There is no solid proof that reciting dua awal tahun and dua akhir tahun is a sunnah from Prophet Muhammad. So, I read a few articles discussing about this thing.

The ibadah is generally acceptable due to its benefit of reminding you of Allah and Rasulullah. But the fact the ibadah is equipped with 'false benefit' such as 

'Barangsiapa membacanya syaitan akan berkata: Kami telah penat letih bersamanya sepanjang tahun, tetapi dia (pembaca doa berkenaan) merusak amalan kami dalam masa sesaat (dengan membaca doa tersebut).”

is likely making a false accusation in Islam and to Rasullulah by upholding a mere disreputable principle. Like I mentioned it before, the ibadah is acceptable but if people take lightly of this matter and accept and believe what they read without proper consent and research, things go haywire. And syaria law regarding this matter may change from 'harus' to 'makruh' or even 'haraam'.

Well, what I just wrote is not a brief explanation of this Awal Muharram's practice. I'm sure you can find a more thorough explanation with Quranic evidence and hadith about Maal Hijrah ibadah or ask people who have the a wider knowledge of this affair.

For me, Muharram is the first month in Muslim calendar, a mark for the starting of Hijrah year in Islamic history. When it is called Hijrah, the meaning of Hijrah itself is sufficient enough for us to ponder upon day and night. But still, that doesn't mean we can't make du'a. After all, du'a is the weapon of a Mukmin. 

Happy Maal Hijrah / Awal Muharram 

Friday, November 2, 2012

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Day of Arafah

Happy fasting everyone ! May our sins for the past year and the next are forgiven. Amin !

Friday, October 19, 2012

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Untitled #5

Oh starry sky, evening glow
As moon comes out, the night is dark
I weep to you
Of my missing and of my laughing 
When fumes of insecurity rise to cloud

Candle light, orange and yellow
I see ahead, but a shadow
The owl is singing
A gloomy lullaby
On a branch
Shattered and crooked
Eradicates the human cry

Monday, October 15, 2012

Mission to the Edge of Space

Felix Baumgartner, an Austrian, is a new legend, more like an insane man to some people. Today, as I sat in front of the computer, waiting for 2 hours (not literally, huhu) since the live show began, just to watch another world's record being made.

I couldn't imagine being in Felix's place. Jumping from a 3 meters springboard is quite scary for some of us. How about 120000 feet high and land on solid earth? You might pee in your pants along the way. Needless to say, death. Riding Behemoth at Canada's Wonderland has already took my breath away.

Most people are concerned, not about the possible scientific discovery, not that he will break the world's record but will he make it alive? Seeing him landed on his two feet, my heart is relieved. You gotta praise this man. Anyhow, some things just don't make sense to us. Some are barely possible. But another history being made just now as I watched it with my own eyes, so the big lesson today, what's your excuse?

Congratulation Felix. So, bungee jumping anyone?

It's funny the minute he landed, someone already posted this picture on facebook.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Random And Radical Boredom #22

Honestly, I don't know what to jot down here. October is not an interesting month, maybe. But I did enjoy every time it drizzles. Though most of the time, it's storming out here.

This kinda gives me a headache

Nothing much happened. But I learnt new things every week especially during Environmental class. Engineers usually don't associate much with biology, but I need to learn those stuffs again and it kinda reminds me the joyfulness of learning biology back in school. Except parts where it involves significant amount of blood that can cause dizziness, in me. Fyi, I have haemophobia. But I didn't learn what the medicine students learn during their undergraduate years, just a tiny piece of it about micro-organism and bacteria.

Like I said, nothing much happened. Maybe I need to find something to do, as a way to realign myself. Volunteer work? Joining marathon? Hiking? Wall climbing? Hockey tournament? I volunteered for World Hunger Relief event two weeks ago, but that's just one time event. I received offers from my friends, but rolling in my blanket during a rainy season seems more entertaining and relaxing while enjoying the sound of water falling from the roof and a cup of hot green tea.

I exhaled air of laziness. 

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Vid: Falsafah P.Ramlee

"Nescaya di suatu hari muzik lain akan mengambil tempat, kerana di dalam dada mereka itu kosong, tiada apa-apa."

Double meaning mungkin?

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Vid: Everything Begins With Tarbiyyah

If you watch the video, I don't have a thing to say.

On a side note, the highlight of my holiday, I spent it watching drama. Most of them are old japanese dramas, not too old, date back in 05 - 10. And in all these dramas, which I can relate to the video, is the theme of human factor. No matter how good the system is, no matter how effective a solution to a problem can be, human factor plays the most important role. And that's why I think people are interesting.

There are too many human's wonders, and there, lies a vast of knowledge in them.

Vid: Galaxy Note 2

I'm thinking of getting a new phone. But not so sudden. There is no need to use a smartphone in Malaysia as the price is quite high, and to be efficient, you'll need to subscribe data plan which in my opinion is a waste of money. Things that people actually use data plan for are facebook and twitter, in a frequent manner. I mean as a student. If you're already a working man, that's another story.

But buying a smartphone is like a long term investment. Most of the hardwares are already good enough, and over time you'll just need to update the software. But right now, I think I don't need a fancy phone. RM 10 topup can last for a month since I only use my phone for calls and texts, and for emergency things only. I have fast internet connection at home, so why wasting more money?

But this Galaxy Note 2 is quite tempting, despite its size. Who knows, ada duit lebih beli jelah. Pelaburan masa hadapan.

p/s: back to school again.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Vid: Life of Pi

The novel was amazing. The story, mind blowing.  

“To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.” - Yann Martel, Life of Pi

p/s: You know, when you read a book, you kinda feel yourself as the main character. You feel what they feel, you thought what they thought, and the journey seems similar. Maybe, because we are human. Maybe, because we are living. 

Monday, September 17, 2012

Life: How?

People are people. It got me thinking, what actually defines human? In every chapter of my life after every turn of events, there is always a period of self-reflection.

Perhaps, the genuineness of that particular action determines what living is all about. Self-reflection aims at an individual, yet to construct a judiciary to ourselves, it is almost impossible. People tend to feel that they are superior than others, as a result of self-centeredness or egocentrism which has made people capable of living in a judgemental society where actions and words are closely watched and are being evaluated according to the standard that long ago has been built to maintain social balance.

Thus, in current state of mind, we feel that what we are doing is right, to some extent, ethical as long as people don't interfere with our well being. By far, these conditions succumb the idea of self-reflection as self-awareness is not put in the highest place above all emotions. 

What steer the life of people is emotion. All the while, we cannot escape from feeling anxious, doubt and insecure. After every event that happened, worst if it left any scars, we are more prone to be egocentric and an introvert just to help ourselves heal from those wounds and continue living, a scenario which people have developed immunity or endurance towards criticism in consequence of abandoning what we preach known as moral doctrine.

Internally, this is what drives people to become a jury. People take authority of others if they are somewhat different - belief, race, ideology, physical and etc - judging them for who and what they are as a requirement of living as a group of people who share common interest. In need to survive, it's either they follow these common interests or suffer from being alienated.

As people exhibits the nature of criticizing others, how could they criticize themselves when one already feels their everyday actions are morally right and now they are expected to find a solution to their own internal problem? Judging others is easier as we are not placed in the same boat as them, thus we don't experience what they have gone through, putting us in a stable state of mind and we are able to evaluate everything without any mental disturbance although there is a flaw as we may have pursue such action according to our own knowledge, experience and belief which may not coincide with that targeted people.

Factuality, self-reflection is not as easy as we thought. Separating one's mind into two, and to hope one portion is capable of judging the other half, seeing through our problem and finding a solution are not realistic. The potential we see in ourselves is somewhat inadequate and insufficient. But in reality, it is needed and it does make sense.

By the time we try to do a self-reflection, we may not have come to a conclusion. To improvise when we lack in knowledge and common sense, we decide impromptu to just continue what we are doing as when matter involves emotional-attachment and wrong reasons, it's hard to perceive things as a whole. Self-reflection requires seeing yourself as a totally different entity, and to inspect every part of that entity as a whole in term of physical, emotional and spiritual aspects.

Then, one question arises,


Sunday, September 9, 2012

A Tribute To Mr D

During my memorable time at Taylor's, there are three people who inspired me the most and will continue to do so through my hard and ease. Those three are Mr Steven Wise, Ms Foo and a man named Michel De Lottinville.

Mr D wasn't just any lecturer you can find at most universities, he was more than that. A father figure, a leader, motivator and a mentor to me. I remember the first time I met him in his Business Leadership class as he was mourning how his name spell like a girl's name and he was having a hard time pronouncing our names. He did it with joy, but I saw right through him that he took this seriously.

"Michel, could you believe it? But I like my name, but don't call me that. Mr D is fine"

I was never a loud and talkative person. Especially in class. But since BL required us to speak and present in front almost everyday, I was encouraged by him to take a small step. To this day, my presentation skill improved a lot thanks to him, that I was able to score 93 in Individual Presentation and 90 during my ISU (Independent Study Unit) in Mr Wise's class.

But that's just a bit memory of me with him. I like to whistle in class. Sometimes, I do this unconsciously. Then, he cracked like an angry man, "Who did that?" Scared but I raised my hand. Doing his witty smile with one of his eye brows raised a bit, "You shouldn't whistle by yourself. It's never fun that way."

And since that day, we always whistle while doing our homework accompanied by others who can whistle as well. He talked about his family the most. How sad he felt when he lost his mother and brother at such a young age, but he never once forget them. As such, he told us this with a smile on his face and always end up something with a lousy joke with him questioning us at the end, "That wasn't funny right? I need to find a new one."

He would played "I Gotta Feeling" before starting the class while taking our attendance and we need to reply in our own fancy ways, such as singing along with the song and come out in front of the class dancing or doing something indicating that you're present that day. For someone who have a rough day, seeing his smile gives you spirit to go on with life no matter how hard it is, no matter how crook the roads are. 

Despite his cheerful and fun-loving character, he taught us many things by example. Respect, manner and chivalry. He bought us ice-cream almost every week saying "When you have a tough week, nothing beats the sweetness of an ice-cream."

I could see the admiration his students have for him and his passionate demeanour, and understood why they loved him. And I too, love him. He cared for his students, always asking about how was our day going with tests, projects and ISUs, and told us to never give up on our dreams. His word of wisdom and jovial expression keep us alive, and to enjoy every moment till our heart is content.

Though we are so shocked with the news as we never expected Mr D would pull such act knowing him in person, may you rest in peace Mr D. You'll be missed. And I'm thinking of buying your book. 

I've never seen a person who always smile throughout his entire day. But then, it got me, he is Michel De Lottinville. 

Sunday, September 2, 2012

TTL #17

The meaning of life is to give life a meaning. So what's your raison d'etre?

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Merdeka ?

Malaysia celebrates her independence day every year on 31st August. Technically it's not the independence day of Malaysia, but rather to commemorate the establishment (also independence) of Tanah Melayu in 1957 from the colonisation of British Empire. Malaysia was officially announced on the 16th September 1963, about 6 years later. Just some kind of historical facts as intro.

For the past 20 years, my heart is already attached and bonded tightly to this motherland. I was born here, I was raised here, and maybe forever till the last of my breathe, I will always be here.  From my point of view, to some extent, I feel like doing something to change a certain thing in Malaysia. If not a big thing, a small thing can surely be satisfying if I were able to change it. Malaysia has turned into a great country, but somehow I feel like something is missing here. It sure does feel like home to me. As time goes by, entering some kind of different world and learning to be a more mature person, I realized there's always a major development that can be implemented to improve the life of people in this country. And to that, I thank my experiences living abroad.

For someone who had lived in a different country and experienced a totally opposite culture, the process of assimilating and adapting to that foreign culture has changed my way of thinking. The structure on how we see things has gone from raw and wild to details and facts. When something comes up, we no longer analyze it from only one point of view. Everything counts, and developing two perceptual lenses both from the origin of the people and the new environment, I can definitely say we are able to come up with a foremost suitable and effective way in tackling issues and problems. As an analogy, take a ball for an instance. Watching the ball from only one side, we'll surely come up with an assumption that a ball is a circle, but looking at the ball from multiple perspectives, we obtain the full view of the situation that a ball is not really a circle but a sphere by nature.

When I went back to Malaysia, I admit there are a few things that I'm disgusted of. As a matter of fact, the social mannerism and persuasive custom of people living in Malaysia have quite a major flaw, to a level that they're not only induced the moral down-gradation of the citizens but also hindering the development and advancement of this country, including social, politics, foreign and international relationships as well as the field of science and technology.

Malaysia is a multiracial country. Of course, living in different cultures, religions and customs have developed some kind of habits in us, Malaysian. But virally, these habits reflect the loss of intelligence in us, in a way that it's not fully vanished or dematerialized, but more of our own ignorance for following and adopting this sort of  'belief' into our life's principles. Recently, published by Reader's Digest, Malaysia ranked top 3 in the rudeness level out of 35 countries participating. This article mirrors how absurd we are, that rudeness has become a part of our culture and begins to nurture in our children, who supposedly to be the leader of this country for generations to come.

Quoting Malay Mail, "Poor toilet etiquette, talking loudly on phones even in cinemas, littering in cinemas, being late for appointments, not saying “thank you” or “sorry”, and leaving trolleys in parking lots are just a few more examples of the numerous bad habits that Malaysians continue to practise shamelessly." My own experience driving in KL proved me right. Sometimes, it drives me crazy to an extent I want to slam cars from behind. Would it hurt to give signal when you want to switch lane or turn into a corner? I ever wonder how this kind of mentality has already become our flesh and blood, to a point that it has no cure?

And politics, I believe I don't to have to explain this. Seeing political leaders fighting over useless issues rather than showing their affliction and concern for the citizens is like watching a comedy show on Star World. It's so surreal yet comical how these people - a person I know refers them as a bunch of useless thugs - only care for themselves, projecting a common scenario in which money, rank and fame overthrow courtesy, responsibility and modesty. Act of chivalry is not honoured here. In fact, do these people know what 'chivalry' means?

Malaysia claims her as an Islamic Country. Not so long ago, during the BTN (Biro Tatanegara ) Camp, I was told in the constitution, Malaysia is not an Islamic Country, but Islam is the official religion of Malaysia. There is a thin line between Islam being the official religion and the title 'Islamic Country'. So I didn't really bothered during that time. But as political leaders keep spurting out this claim, most people believe that Malaysia is an Islamic Country, though I knew Malaysia is really active at an international level, by joining OIC and well-respected by other Muslim countries. But the thing is, the most basic question, where is the 'Islam'? And the rest is unwritten, because there's no need for more explanation when things are already crystal-clear.

I desire change. I desire happy faces. I desire a place where my kids can live without fear and spreading good and love is what people do. Malaysia has been a warm place that has sheltered many people from rain and sun, and from poverty and hunger. We have lived a peaceful 55 years, but classical approach is no longer applicable. One ringgit in the 1980 is not the same as one ringgit in 2012. One ringgit is still one ringgit, but the value is totally different, deep to the core. Honestly, comparing Canada and Malaysia, I believe Malaysia has more potential to grow and shine brighter, but we need sustenance, we need training, we need brilliant minds. To those who have seen and experienced what I'm talking about, I believe we have the same vision and mission. A change, step by step, is what we admire. A simple change is what we need. Albeit, we are slowly changing, we need something to spark more interests in people. Thing begins at individual level, until it grows as a culture.

Most people will only nod in agreement. You'll see a lot of hostile reactions when it comes to modern struggles. Because people are so fanatic and paranoid, something that is so senseless and arbitrary can become a huge impact to these soulless people. At heart and, at mind. 

I know I post this a lil bit early, but I have final exam cramping up next week, so I just post it a few days earlier.

Selamat Hari Merdeka !

p/s: Merdeka? Merdeka yang macam mana?

Monday, August 20, 2012

Life: Raya

The first and second day of Raya were hectic as ever. Iwan and Jaja couldn't join us since they celebrated raya in Phnum Penh (Iwan) and in Melbourne (Jaja).

But this year, it's quite surprising when everyone decided to celebrate Eid here. Pak Jang and family just got back from Sydney, Along Shida and Abang Kam were here since last year they greeted Eid in New York. Pak Long Abi, Cik Wa and Pak Cu Tony also 'turun padang' from Taiping. It's almost full house today with Cik Etty, Cik Ena, Cik Eda, Cik Elin and Acu came to visit us before heading back to Ipoh. Despite not getting much packets of duit raya this year, the atmosphere, the spirit of raya is still there.

Kecoh. Couldn't deny more.

And one thing that will always resurface every year, who's going to get married this/next year?

Just korek info from Mak Long. Along (Abang Long, sebab banyak sangat cousin, lepas tu semua nak panggil Along) just got engaged and insyaAllah next year he'll get married. Well, it's a shocking news since Along is just a year older than me, and still studying medicine in Russia, tup tap tup tap, nak kahwin dah. Rasanya pilihan hati budak medicine Russia jugak kot.

Got to know that I have more little cousins. Aish, belum anak sedara lagi. Cousins je dah ramai. Semua pulak kecil-kecil jer. Dukung sorang pun dah boleh kata aku ni bapak orang. This is one of them, Ryan.

Raya this year wasn't that bad. Last year, it was more happening with people, foods, laughter and gossips. Nevertheless, raya is still raya. No one celebrate raya with a sad face. Semalam penat berjalan, tak sempat nak beraya kampung Abah sebab penat sangat, but surely they will visit our house before heading back home. Hari ni, penat layan tetamu. Kalau sekali raya sepuluh family datang, susah jugak. Qibo and Kapit pun datang singgah dari Raub raya rumah and rumah Acap sekali.

So, lastly nak buat pantun raya. Irfan asyik komen kata pantun raya aku takde rhyme jer. Malas je sebenarnya nak buat pantun-pantun ni. Pantun dua kerat takde rhyme pun dah cukup. Kelakar (kot) and mesej sampai.

Tangisan iman ramadhan berlalu
Takbir bergema kian syahdu
Aidilfitri datang dengan berlagu
Saling bermaafan memohon restu

Ziarah teman sanak saudara
Ukhuwah dijalin terjabat mesra
Syawal tiba disambut gembira
Hati terbuka wajah ceria

Anak di rantauan berduka jangan
Doa dipohon dalam ingatan
Raya disambut dengan senyuman
Berkat tuhan untuk insan

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin !

p/s: tahun ni tak dapat beraya bersama anak dan isteri :P

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Untitled #4

Dari saat senja menyanyi
hingga tiba fajar sunyi
bisa manusia itu lupa
bisa manusia itu leka

Sembam ke tanah duniawi disembah
serakahnya raja tanpa kawalan
hujan meraih simpati insan
kosong jiwa kembali ke jalan

Corak warna jadi hitam
jalannya mabuk tenggelam suram
kumat kamit tangan ditadah
saat jiwa pecah dan punah

taut hati pada iman
bukan pada perasaan

Life: Forgetful

Secrets in life are always the same. While we drove ourselves through the alley streets and crowded people, we were told to never forget who we are and where we belong. With each passing day, with each concurrent footstep, as we slipped through difficulties, drenched and exhausted, we were reminded that God is always there for us.

In search of meaning, alone and alienated, we have to find the answer to remove our doubt. As such, we were told, uncertainty is the beginning of a journey. Curiosity induces courage. And to those who walk beside us, if we find any, love them unconditionally.

Indeed, life is like a wheel. Albeit knowing all these, we still get hurt and beaten. We are estranged from things and people we love, we suffer internal struggle. All days seem gloomy, and all these unseen burdens feel too heavy on our shoulder, we sense it too unbearable for us to handle.

Our heart beats fast like a drum roll, shouts loudly like a war cry and hurts badly after a restless night.

And the question is why?

Because we are forgetful.

Too many people touch our heart, but too many people leave without a trace. After some period of time, we can no longer remember their faces. And we were told to move on.

Too many events happened in our lives, but too many events, we almost couldn't afford to remember clearly every single detail of them.

Too many emotions we feel, but these too emotions, we often confused about how we actually feel, and sadly we choose to forget some.

While we try to seek that lost memories back, we found nothing. Only a blur image spurted out of our mind.

At some point, we choose not to remember. As a way to fall back, not to mingle again with worthless fight of emotions, avoiding self-inflicted internal damage.

As time heals almost anything, time also deleted some of our past.

People, events and emotions.

We try to remember but

We, clearly forget.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Vid: Strangers

Sorry but this is not about 'lovey-dovey' thingy. This is, erm, hurm, manly tears?

Monday, July 30, 2012

Life: Catching Up

Since Ramadhan started, there were quite a number of unexpected events occurred. To put it simply, one by one thing has settled by itself. Though some were not like I'd expected, nevertheless they were resolved in the most appropriate way.

Before that, I think I spent more time on tumblr. Maybe due to busyness of this Ramadhan, I feel like I'm losing my sense of writing a long post and the feeling was not exhilarating like before.

So, first, hear me whining about my workloads. This semester seems short. Maybe because of Ramadhan, we have to restrict our activities such as "Jalan-Jalan Cari Makan" and hanging out at the mall, watching movies, or any typical activity a student would do.

Besides, we have more than enough works to do. We have a free Friday every week. But since things were kinda mixed up, Friday is allocated either for additional class or test. And during this time, a lot of assignments were given to us, to only finish up each one of them the next week if they were handed out this week. With test every week and no holiday except for weekend, not even a mid semester break, I feel like throwing up every monday morning. But as such, I still do everything. Whining doesn't get me anywhere but just saying, you need to release some of the stress out right? By whining on blog.

And this Ramadhan, I'm helping an organization called Unicommserve ( I don't really know what does the name stands for ). Our tasks is to collect money this Ramadhan and donate it in form of food supplies to those in need. So after class is finished we would open a booth, or 'tawaf' around the university to meet our objective. And the donation will be conducted in two weeks time.

Last Saturday, I managed to spend some time meeting a few old friends and breaking fast together with them at Chili's. The food and the people were awesome. Yeah, exchanging stories about each other, recalled how much we've changed compared to the time when we're in high school. Catching up with each other over great food and drinks. Two of them, Faidhi and Fairul are medical students. Since I've suffered from quite a severe cough for two weeks, Fairul was examining me since he's doing his clinical year. He said maybe I've pneumonia. Well, about time to figure that out. I tried cough syrup but nothing happened so I suspect maybe it's not a normal cough and I'm too lazy to go to the clinic / hospital. Thanks to Fairul, now I'm consuming some antibiotics, so worry not. Can't wait to get better.

You know, I think this Ramadhan is better than the previous one. Things are a bit hectic, with stuffs and all. But this Ramadhan has shown me, everything will eventually fall to places if you do things the right way. And I'm relieved. There are less things to worry about.

And, final exam is after raya.

That's just suck and spoils all the fun.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Random: ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder

Predominantly inattentive type symptoms may include
  • Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
  • Have difficulty maintaining focus on one task
  • Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless doing something enjoyable
  • Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new or trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
  • Not seem to listen when spoken to
  • Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
  • Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
  • Struggle to follow instructions. 

Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type symptoms may include
  • Fidget and squirm in their seats
  • Talk nonstop
  • Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
  • Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time
  • Be constantly in motion
  • Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities. 

and also these manifestations primarily of impulsivity
  • Be very impatient
  • Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences
  • Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games

I definitely have ADHD

Monday, July 16, 2012

Random And Radical Boredom #21


Just nak bagitahu, saya sudah berpindah ke Tumblr. Blog ni takkan terabai, cuma kadang-kadang nak post something dekat blog ni kena banyak fikir.

So, buat masa ni akan alternately guna blogger and tumblr. Guna je dua-dua, cuma yang pasti aku takkan buat twitter. Facebook pun dah tak berapa.

Fyi, tumblr sangat convenient untuk post-post yang simple, quote, photos and kalau malas, boleh reblog. Baru buat actually. So jangan lah expect tumblr aku tu best sangat. Just untuk suka-suka, isi masa lapang.

Let the pictures tell the stories.

Aku tak suka serabut-serabut, so tumblr pun lebih kurang macam blog.

Putih, simple and endless scroll.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Untitled #3

"O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous."
[Al-Baqarah, 2: 183]

10 more days till Ramadhan.

May Allah bless us with a meaningful Ramadhan. May we boost our imaan during this upcoming holy month, and may our past and future sins are forgiven.

The clock is ticking. The search for Lailatul Qadar

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Life: Planning Ahead

After two more semesters ( including this one ), I'm planning to take a break. Since there will be a long holiday ( about 5 months long ), I'm thinking of getting a job, doing intern to be specific.

Currently, I'm listing down a bunch of companies that offer internship program for civil engineering student. AECOM, Shell, and Petronas, just to name a few. A few companies offer program at overseas such as US and Australia, while big names in Malaysia certainly provide valuable hands on experience related to the field.

Well, getting some experience is a very important added value after I graduated. It's hard to get a decent job nowadays. Taking some advices from my lecturers and seniors, planning ahead is the key. Though this is just a start, I think I need to take everything seriously from now on.

I just started doing this a week ago. I don't expect good news, but I hope my effort ( from this semester and the next one ) will pay off during January 2013.

Mudah-mudahan dapat kerja best.

Semoga perjalanan hidup ini dipermudahkan. Bukan untuk aku jer, untuk anda semua juga.


Sunday, July 8, 2012

Song: When You Say Nothing At All

Semalam, exhausted. But overall, it was a good journey. Cuma menguji kesabaran dan juga tahap ke"malu"an betul. From Kuala Lumpur to Kuala Lipis and back to Kuala Lumpur again. Tayar pancit and selipar putus masa tengah tukar tayar. Dugaan.

And what's surprising, Calok (Firdaus) get married yesterday. Kahwin senyap-senyap je tak bagitahu mamat ni. Anyway, selamat pengantin baru kepada Calok and wife, Farhah Ambiyah. Moga bahagia dunia akhirat. Umur baru 21 dah kahwin. Respect.

p/s: Is it normal to fall in love twice with the same person? Bye.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Life: The Edge

Life is like lot living on the edge

Why? Because every day, every hour, every minute, every second and every moment we have to make decision.

It's like we're always on the edge.

To stay or to jump?

To do or not to do?

To say or not to say?

Every time we have to decide, we'll always try to analyze the consequences. 

To jump. We may have to let go what we have. We'll have to face risks, and we do not know what awaits us down there. What will happen to us then?

To stay. We may miss out something that could change our entire life. We may stay in the same circle, unchange. While the world is constantly changing, we may question our purposes living on the edge and why we chose not to jump.

In before, there's no body knows what will happen whether we choose to jump or to stay. No one knows the exact consequences. How we wish life were just a line, a one way path and would untangled itself whenever we were force to make difficult choices.

Guiding us step by step, with obvious written signs to direct us in making decisions instead of us guessing a correct answer and imagining where we would end up at.

One small mistake, our lives might turn out less perfect than it could have been. And so, we become afraid.

Frankly, often times, I choose to jump. 

People usually choose to be in the safe zone,

But then, where's the fun in life?

p/s: my phone is broken T..T

Monday, July 2, 2012

Untitled #2

Is my blue the same as your blue?

Difference is always there. We merely come to a consensus about something. As for blue, some may refer to the sky and some maybe think of the sea.

Revealing true self that is different from others is regarded as a taboo. Though, in general, a blue is still a blue. So, why, take an instance, a light blue or perhaps a dark blue is considered being another colour that is not belong to the blue family?

People have mind and heart. Thought and emotion. If judgement and reason are all the same, then define what is sane.

So, is my blue the same as your blue?

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Untitled #1


Looking at a 3 years old arabic girl with blue eyes with her two brothers, probably two or three years older than her. They both looked at me with their earnest not-knowing hazel eyes.

It was a normal counter with people living in the same building, waiting for the lift to come. She hid behind her father, sneakily gazing at me. I just put up a smile.

In the lift, only their chatter and small giggles broke the silence. How cute I thought to myself. As I wandered my mind away waiting for the lift to reach the 17th floor, there was a small chatter between the oldest brother, I'm guessing by his height, with the father.

I didn't understand it at all, since they talked in Arabic. Just like how we used to talk in Malay in front of foreigners.

Suddenly, the boy said "Takbir".

And his father responded, "Allahuakbar".

The boy repeated it again, "Takbir".

And likewise, his father said "Allahuakbar".

This moment was repeated for about 5 times, until the lift stopped at the 13th floor, where they all went out.

It instilled in me, a thought and also adore, at such a young age, a boy has gained the knowledge and is exposed to such thinking of how he might see (perception), and understand the concept of God and religion. What is more surprising, the children also followed their father's lead, responded to the Almighty call.

I stood in silence, getting mixed feelings, shocked and amazed.

So, I ever wonder, how am I going to raise my kids?

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

TTL #16

We still can't imagine our futures or foresee what they hold, but we all will change slowly. In the same way that we've matured a little

Friday, June 22, 2012

Song: Rolling In The Deep

Because Adele is too mainstream. How come I didn't know Linkin Park made a cover of this song. A year late. Chester Bennington is awesome.

Random And Radical Boredom #20

After a week of not opening blogger, I have this sudden feeling crept into my soul. A feeling to write.

We have made some progress with the design project. We now have all the basic design of framework of the house. It took us so long, almost a week to interpret the architectural plan of the house into basic framework plan, sketched with only beams and columns.

Lucky for us when we no longer need to bother ourselves with the specification of the beam and column, as we only need to assume all of them are of the same size. That reduces the work by half I guess.

We are in a period of "design testing". All columns are in a fixed position. There are certain parts we can place the column, while we can put as many beams as we want, not considering any constraints such as types, how much it can take loading and also financial provisions. And what's exhausting, after getting one of the sample designs done, we are haunted by a series of complicated calculations. It drove me crazy the other day, frustrated enough to soon explode.

We still have some modifications to make, and transferring the design into detailed plan in paper, and also in CAD (computer-aided design). Though we have two weeks left, playing time was never there to begin with. So, each one of us is quite stressed out. 

Getting ahead, we were told that Structural Analysis II requires more that we have done the previous week. I don't know if the intention is for us to be prepared and to do well on this project, but the more I think about it, it's quite discouraging. Ignoring it for now is the best thing I could think of.

So, we decided to take a day off on Wednesday. Thinking of something to do on that day rather than spending time sleeping and surfing the net, we went to Sungai Tekala, a recreational park located in Semenyih. Refreshing water, green scenery, quiet and peaceful. A good place for us who need a break. Besides, there were not many people on weekdays, so I think going there that day was a correct choice.

It's been a while since I drowned myself in a river and I was a lil bit excited. Maybe I played in water too hard that day, it left me with sicknesses. Leg cramps, flu, cough and cold. All at once. I'm getting better but I still suffer from a severe cough. Hopefully I'll be in perfect health by Monday. Thinking of piles of works I have in store, getting sick at this time is not a choice. 

Leaving the work-related story behind, it's Syabaan already. That's means we have about 27 days till Ramadhan. I didn't realize it until now when a friend of mine asked me if I want to fast with him this upcoming Monday. Yeah, I know Ramadhan is just around the corner, but I totally lost count of the date. I really need to reflect upon myself starting this Syabaan. Maybe for that purpose, I need to discuss it in another post.

On a different note, Anan is coming back from Spain tomorrow. Me, Bushra and Nizam decided to pick him up tomorrow morning and probably having breakfast together. Since all of us are busy this week, we all agree to postpone our day out next week.

One more thing, lately I've been thinking of changing to tumblr. For convenience, perhaps. Tumblr is like a mini blog, and if you're just too lazy to update anything, reblog is a very powerful tool. Or maybe another option is to use them both. Alternately switching between tumblr and blogger depending on my mood. No decision has been made yet, but I'm seriously considering it. I'll let you know if I already made one.


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