Friday, January 16, 2015

In Love, Ever Again

It's time to start anew. Each year, without missing, people will talk about new year resolution. As time goes by, some people just wouldn't want to talk about it again as making or deciding a new year resolution hasn't made any difference or change throughout their lives a year before. Or maybe the trend goes way back that people start to feel revulsion of the thought of having a resolution.

For me, it's not a bother at all. January may be the same for some people, but January also could make a difference. Having a resolution is not a crime, less a petty thing to have. You don't know what people have gone through a year before and what they wish for is perhaps another step forward, and January is all that they are betting for.

A step in January that could lead to other things. 

Each one of us, deep down, sincerely wish for good memory to happen but that's not the case for everyone. A friend of mine lost his beloved mother a few days ago. How heartbreaking he must has felt to have lost one of his dearest treasures when he is just about to get engaged, just starting a new job and it happened in January. I went to visit her mum in the hospital, and I felt like crying inside the ward. Of whom to comfort, I felt like I'm the one who was being comforted instead of him and the rest of his family. An acceptance to let our precious one to go and left us behind certainly requires courage beyond physical and emotional strength.

Ergo, I don't feel the need to mock people who decide to change in January. In a way, January is what they have left.

I decided to be in love, ever again. To be in love with myself and the people around me as well in what I'll do in the coming days. I wish to fulfil anything I desire for the goodness of  people whom I care a lot. To be a more loving one than what I used to be, in January I pray it'll begin.

In January, I met again a person. Adorable as she is but a dork at times. A person who can point out my weaknesses, but at the same time giving off such an affectionate vibe. Her words may hurt, but as I decided I will not be ever in denial any more, I accepted her words. And I wish she accepted mine. My wounded night heals over her smiles and goodnight wishes, and I couldn't ask for more.

Acceptance. More than ever, what I had hoped for.

Acceptance to oneself, to be decent and a little bit stronger.

To mend heart that is hard like a rock, and to mend soul which illuminates,

To grasp hand in need, and to return love that is given.

That's all I long for. 

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