Lowering Expectation

There might be truth in it. Disappointment and expectation are inseparable.

Everything is firework when you have low expectation. I agree, but that doesn't include in my dictionary nor my philosophy of life. I have failed before, miserably. So I really understand, having a really high expectation can lead you to disappointment, especially when those around you also expect you to do good, instead of messing up things.

People's expectation creates pressure that seems to have no boundary. Thus, meeting those expectation is more important than satisfying your own needs. I felt that a lot when I was two, three years younger. Why I can't agree on having low expectation on task, jobs or works that you're doing, the main reason will be my ego perhaps. Yes, ego.

Or rather, I like to word it as self actualization. Self actualization provides sense of completion whenever I do things. And by completion, you finish the job with all of the efforts you put into it to achieve near perfection, or till you feel satisfy with what you did. I have a very high expectation of myself.

Because to a certain degree, I like to believe in my capability. Trust me, I'm surrounded by talented and respectful people that once in a while I feel suffocated and overwhelmed being near them. When I have a lot of friends like that, I start questioning myself why I can't be like them? I may not achieve big things yet, but at least I'd like take seriously of any tasks that I' entrusted with. When positive vibes are channelled from these capable and trustworthy people to those around them, why can't we?

I do things in the eleventh hour. I'm a last minuter. I do my works whenever I feel like doing it. A bit irony don't you think? But I perform my best whenever I'm in pressure or being cornered by time. Ideas pop up immediately and flowing like waterfall at the expenses of my night sleep. It is not a healthy way, nor recommended by me. But some people have their way of doing thing right? 

Whenever I talk about people's expectation, honestly I couldn't care less right now. I've been there. I used to hit rock bottom, and with the solid ground I fell onto back then, I start building my own foundation, my own way of doing things and I'm happy with my current self. I like what I'm doing right now and I did good too. I see myself capable of doing things, and I did failed once in a while, but I didn't feel that much of a grief when that happened. I see it as a part of living. But easier said than done, that life has its up and down, I said it because I've experienced it before. Not blatantly spurt it out like I'm a wise man, no.

To describe myself, I prefer to be called a realist optimist. I dream within my capabilities. and how do you measure capabilities? You've got to try. Till then you won't know. And by far, when capability is so mysterious why not regard yourself as a capable man?

All these waking up in the morning and sleep at night routines, you'll probably encounter lots of things. And that my friend, everyone else is the same, everyone is on the same boat. Quoting Pink,

"Just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die, you gotta get up and try and try and try."

We don't dictate the end. God does.

Do justice to ourselves, have some faith in our own might but ignore of those judgy eyes around us.

Tell me, who doesn't fail? Who doesn't feel disappointed?

La tastaslimu ! (Don't give up).