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Finding My First Job

I'm sorry. I was supposed to update this blog  a week ago. But then, I was quite busy. At the moment, I have several job interviews till the end of May.

Yeah, finding a job is quite stressful. Finding a decent one is very tough. Most employers didn't want a fresh graduate as they prefer someone with work experience for at least 3 years. Okay, the reason is probably most local companies didn't want to spend some money and time to train new people. I presume. Economy is bad you know.

So, while people aim at several companies, mostly the famous one, to find their first job, I've been digging jobstreet, linkedin, statutory bodies, engineering articles, to find a company which offers engineering services and consultancy.

Speaking of the subject at hand, I've already applied to about 100 different companies, both local and international, though I don't really have high hope for international bodies. Most of them didn't cover work visa, and they prefer those who have citizenship or permanent resident status (to the countries you are applying to). Thus, Malaysia and Singapore are my best choices.

I already have a draft for my Japan Trip the other day, I just need to review it a bit but I don't really have time. Or maybe I was just plain lazy. It will be posted here, sooner or later.

Sorry again !

By the way, those who have suggestion on the company list, could you drop a comment or two, it'll be helpful. If you can help forwarding my resume, I'll treat you to a coffee (smile).

Okay, that was kinda, like a, bribery, no, yes, maybe?

Adieu.

p/s: I have a degree in civil engineering majoring in geotechnical / structural

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Insyaallah, akan di update dalam masa terdekat

A freeman, but not

I suffered from several back pains, stiff shoulder, headaches and moments of desperation during the past five days.

Thesis submission is due on Monday.

As a part of fulfilment of my degree, thesis is a must. It's a big thing, it is bigger than my love of coffee. All of the sudden, thesis become so important after I finished my last paper for final exam as it determines whether I can graduate or not this semester. I've been in the education system for too long, a total of 16 years as of now and the desire to break free from the entanglement of pain and suffering of formal education has been built for so many years and today it erupts like a blazing volcano.

I've completed almost all of it, I just need to format it according to the specification of my university and to check for any plagiarism and finally, printing three copies of it. I've got to apologize for not keeping this blog updated in a frequent manner and the last time I wrote was in early January.

I haven't had enough sleep for five days, and I think if this is going to continue for another two days, I might pass out sooner or later. But Alhamdullillah, praise to the Almighty Lord, I was able to finish my thesis; at least for the main content. But it was such a relief; I sighed long enough but deeply inside, I feel contented.

Sweats and efforts for the past 6 months finally come to an end. I will become a freeman, but not.

Living is not that easy. I haven't think about it yet, what I want to do after this. I am someone who most of the time just going with flow. I actually lack motivation, and I don't really have any particular interest. Either I choose to continue doing Master, or simply find a full time job, or perhaps becoming a teacher, there is going to be lots of things waiting for me down the road.

In this world, there is no a freeman. There are slaves, who are given the opportunity to make choices.

We might think we are free; not bound to any obligation and responsibility; we are wrong.

I wish to write more, but I really need to get some sleep. Do pray for me :)

See you !

In Love, Ever Again

It's time to start anew. Each year, without missing, people will talk about new year resolution. As time goes by, some people just wouldn't want to talk about it again as making or deciding a new year resolution hasn't made any difference or change throughout their lives a year before. Or maybe the trend goes way back that people start to feel revulsion of the thought of having a resolution.

For me, it's not a bother at all. January may be the same for some people, but January also could make a difference. Having a resolution is not a crime, less a petty thing to have. You don't know what people have gone through a year before and what they wish for is perhaps another step forward, and January is all that they are betting for.

A step in January that could lead to other things. 

Each one of us, deep down, sincerely wish for good memory to happen but that's not the case for everyone. A friend of mine lost his beloved mother a few days ago. How heartbreaking he must has felt to have lost one of his dearest treasures when he is just about to get engaged, just starting a new job and it happened in January. I went to visit her mum in the hospital, and I felt like crying inside the ward. Of whom to comfort, I felt like I'm the one who was being comforted instead of him and the rest of his family. An acceptance to let our precious one to go and left us behind certainly requires courage beyond physical and emotional strength.

Ergo, I don't feel the need to mock people who decide to change in January. In a way, January is what they have left.

I decided to be in love, ever again. To be in love with myself and the people around me as well in what I'll do in the coming days. I wish to fulfil anything I desire for the goodness of  people whom I care a lot. To be a more loving one than what I used to be, in January I pray it'll begin.

In January, I met again a person. Adorable as she is but a dork at times. A person who can point out my weaknesses, but at the same time giving off such an affectionate vibe. Her words may hurt, but as I decided I will not be ever in denial any more, I accepted her words. And I wish she accepted mine. My wounded night heals over her smiles and goodnight wishes, and I couldn't ask for more.

Acceptance. More than ever, what I had hoped for.

Acceptance to oneself, to be decent and a little bit stronger.

To mend heart that is hard like a rock, and to mend soul which illuminates,

To grasp hand in need, and to return love that is given.

That's all I long for.