My boat is drilled and filled with holes but luckily I managed to patch them all one by one just to keep it steady on the vast blue horizon. The notion of keeping the boat in good condition demands the acquisition of constant motivation which I only could maintain them for a split second. And the unwelcoming notorious weather triggers it more.
Be it raging storm, tidal wave or heavy rain, after multiple counters, the sail is torn down with my anchor tied to the land, and I just need to figure out where I want to go with the aid of a broken compass.
Where can I go?
I can't hold any longer the burden of desire that already linked to this concealed soul, but I feel obliged to let it sink deep down to the bottom of the sea. Let it be a treasure to the luckiest man, or a tied 'kraken' to the greed of man, or maybe let it resides in a whale's stomach, so that no one can ever find it.
The weight of doing unnecessary things is the only reason I can identify as the root of this perpetuating hallucination as it outweighs the buoyant force of my determination. I've so many unimportant things on the boat that'll only make it heavier, sinking bit by bit if I continue like this.
I was drowned before, but do I expect to be drowned again?
Worse, am I willing to let my boat sink and become another part of unwritten history?
And worst, is my life worth to be wasted in any of these?
Allah is the protector for those who have faith; from the depth of darkness He will lead them out into the light
[Al-Baqarah, 2: 257]
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