Assalam. Hey, how was your day?
It's actually nice having someone asking you how do you do everyday. It makes you feel you're important in someone else's life. It's just a thought, but at times, I really want to feel it too.
Nothing much happened for the past few days. So ordinary. Thus, I'm always in deep thought mood. I think I'm scared. Or worried too much. Or being extra careful. I've been imagining things, fearful things that might happen tomorrow. Anything can happen right?
Especially death. Recently, there were too many cases or media reports on death. The new one was the zombie man. I can't bear the thought of having one of my family member passes away or getting injured. Everyone has been going their own way, and the only times we're able to see each other and getting together is during holiday. But then, getting the idea if one of them is missing or gone forever, I don't know what will happen to me. Undeniably sad?
I never once saw my father cry during a funeral. Maybe as a man of the family, he needs to stay strong. Everyone will die someday and if everyone feels weak over the death of their loved one, no one will ever move on. Everyone will need someone to comfort them and makes them realize their loved one isn't there any more. I bet it isn't going to be easy, but life still goes on. So I wonder if I can be as strong as my father, mentally.
During the Eid of 2011, we went to visit my grandfather's grave. Well, we will certainly visit the grave every Eid, but in 2011, it was a little bit different. Since my brother wasn't there, so I was asked by my father to conduct the yasin recital and du'a. Confused, because during every Eid, it is either going to be my father or my uncle (Pak Teh) to do the recital. I asked him why. He simply answered that I need to know how to do this and be prepared because maybe tomorrow, I need to recite it for him. I knew well of his intention. As a son who is going to take after the family, at least I need to learn this stuff. But then again, anyone will sadden if they think they're not going to have breakfast together tomorrow morning with their father. Forever.
I was shaken by the thought of losing anyone. Be it a family member or a closed friend. It scared me to the core.
As a muslim, certainly death is a reminder. Maybe we're not created for the world, maybe we're created for something greater and the only way to go there is by ripping off your soul from your physical body. Die. Of course, if we have attained imaan and live happily in Jannah.
I already bear in mind, deep inside, it's going to be sad. The question is, to what extend? I've never experienced it before, that's why it's so frustrating to just thinking about it, mixed with fear. It's not like I'm trying to scare everyone by posting something like this. But in actual fact, no one can escape death. So like it or not, prepare or not, it's going to happen. All in all, I wish to be someone who scare not of death, and at the same time, I wish to be prepared.
And lastly is du'a. Loving someone is a human's nature. But loving them by praying for their safety, hoping to reunite with them in Jannah is the greatest love of all. May our days be tender, and for us to be a faithful son or daughter, a loving friend, or perhaps a kind stranger. After all, our blood is still the same colour.
I ask of Him, if it's going to happen to me someday, grant me strength to overcome this heartbreaking test from You, ya Allah.
This post also reminds me to always make du'a for our brothers and sisters in middle east who are struggling everyday with painful calamities. May they become strong and hopefully someday, win is on their side.
Sorry if this is too intimidating.
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