Life: Hello 2012, Goodbye 2011

This is the last post for this month, and of course this year too, 2011.

2011, conclusively, has been a tough year, the worst at the time being in my 20 years of living. Well, there have been several occasions of laughter and joyfulness, but life has its up and down, and the downfall, probably has the greatest impact in my life.

At first, I was confused because this was the first time I was infatuated with the current condition where everything I did went all wrong. Who knew that a boy ended up crying at that time, unexpectedly. I searched for light in vain, every night it became a nightmare, but one thing I learnt, a crucial knowledge, is never to lose hope.

I kept praying, at the same still struggling to fight the doubts and worries that resided in my heart, I lost. I tried to regain strength, I did but the battle was already over. And what's left, was to decide on my next path. So I did. Honestly, I wish to keep all my memories of 2011 in a Pandora's Box where only time has the key to open it.

But that's just pathetic. Compared to others, this is nothing I guess. Everyone has their own fights, everyone feels the same occasionally, and this time, unfortunately, I was chosen. It's better to be this early, I need to learn the lesson anyway. God has His own plan, and for sure, I'll gain benefits out of it sometime in the future.

So, I'm in a place I've never had in mind before. But that feeling still doesn't fade away. The feeling where I feel I don't belong to this place, but at the same time, I'm enjoying myself, showing my smile to the world to tell them I'm fine just the way it is. This place perhaps will be just another terminal for me, or maybe a destination. For how long, I don't know.

Thanks for all the failures, rejections, pains, scars and defeats. I'll make use of the lessons somehow :)

There are more to these, and I tell true story. But only a part of it. People, often drive by curiosity, but not a helping hand. And that's why I chose to be silent. Silence is not the best solution, until I found a way, I'll keep it this way. And I'm sorry for all the mistakes and sins. For I'm also a normal human being.

I already have the end in mind. God willing, I'll be packing my stuffs once again, to leave for another terminal and set foot on a new journey. I'm trying to learn to see things differently, judging things based on a new perspective, and perhaps this is the time to improvise, fixing things that needed to be fixed, before setting sail again.

And if that came true, maybe I'll see the world clearer than once I did.

Cheers to a year of friendship, learning, love and living. And what's great to be born on the last day of the year, you're able to reflects on many things in the past and a new resolution for next year.

Probably too early, but

Happy New Year 2012

Life: 20 and Counting

A letter to thyself

Dear future Izhar,

Life is never easy. It's confusing, challenging and part of the way, there is a series of insecurity, pain, and sometimes jovial. On your journey, you'll encounter many things. But before you can continue your steps, always remember your sole purpose of your existence.

Tidak aku ciptakan jin dan manusia melainkan hanya untuk beribadah kepada-Ku 

[Adz-Dzariyat, 51: 56]

Put God on top of anything for once you have Allah by your side, you don't need anything else. Your deen is your priority. In search of thyself, is to know your Creator. And in search of barakah, is to follow His guidance. Years ahead, you'll be walking alone and for that reason, you need a stronger heart. As you need to eat to fill your stomach and to gain energy, the food for soul are patience and gratefulness.

A wise and pious man always gets benefits whether in time of good or bad. He who endures problems with patience and cherishes comfort with gratefulness.

Many more years to come, you'll be walking on the path you chose. Never regret once you made a choice but also, be cautious every time you have to decide. Don't make decision when you're angry. Once it's decided, put your best into everything you do and let God do the rest. Never give up. Hope doesn't last without prayers, and prayers are meaningless without efforts.

Don't hold your tears. A man's tear is as powerful as a woman's. To cry doesn't mean you're weak. It's to let you know your potential. Cry when you need to cry, and laugh when you need to laugh. You'll also meet many people that come and go in you life. Never judge unless you've been in their shoes and experience the same thing.

Everyone is struggling to fight their own battle. So have heart - Nadia Ashari

Among those you meet, be sure to know who is friend and who is foe. Take care of your good friends as they are jewels in life. Nowadays, it's hard to find a friend that's always there for you especially in time of need. Cheer your friendships and repay their kindness. Remember the time they all came sitting next to you when you were sick? They didn't utter a word, just sat there and read comics but they were there when you need them.

Be careful of your foes, but always forgive them. A strong man is not someone who can lift 100 kg of stone, but the one who can control himself when in anger and the one that is forgiving.

Who spend (in the cause of Allah) during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good;

[Al-Imran, 3: 134]

Family. Be a good man that loves his family the most. Treat your father and mother the way they treated you. Take care of their welfare when they grow old. Express your gratitude to them, ask for their forgiveness, pray for their prosperity in this world and the Hereafter. Make them feel your love and always make them proud. Make dua for them everyday in your prayer. That's the best thing you can do.

And We have enjoined upon man (care) for his parents....

[Al-Luqman, 31: 14]

The same goes to your siblings. I know you guys fight a lot but that's just how siblings express their love to each other. Remember all the happy faces when all of us gather during holidays, during Raya, and the precious moment you've shared together. No one understand you best like your own family.

Don't live in the past. Learn from them. There are many lessons for you take from every single thing that happened in your life. Keep you head held high. Be confident but don't lose that crazy attitude of yours. Every group needs a clumsy guy that can crack a joke and makes them laugh sometimes.

Be calm in whatever situations. Don't be a lazy bump and a sleepy head. I mean, reduce it to a minimum level. Procrastinate when you feel like doing so. Sometimes, you need to take a break from everything but not too often. Or else, it'll become cancer :)

Love equally. Love is subjective and tougher than calculus. You've been there and you know you're not ready. But when you are, I'm sure you'll meet someone special like no other. And she just suits you best. Everything will be worth the wait, and in the meantime, never lose hope and keep praying. Be honest to her, be loyal to her. Because in the next phase of your life, she'll be the one that provides support to you, lend her ears to your stories, share your heart and love, and a hug from her will make every sickness and worry disappear.

Bila lafaz cinta itu halal, memang lain rasanya - Aiman Azlan

Keep dreaming. You know what you want to achieve. You've been in the bathroom for more than 30 minutes thinking what to do next year. Dream is not something to be laughed at. Now you know your goals, pursue them with courage. Like every pain makes muscle grows stronger, fear makes you braver. Don't afraid of trying and falling down. Be motivated. If everyone else can do it, why not you?

Be yourself. Be Khairul Izhar. Live to that name, and make your life awesome.

Happy 20th Birthday

Another year older, another year wiser.

And when you turn 21, write another letter to Mr. 22. Keep the tradition going because

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Neither does bathing. That's why we recommended it daily 

-Zig Ziglar-

Err, in our case, it's yearly :)

Sincerely,

Present Izhar, or should I say Past Izhar?

Wordless Wednesday #12

Pressure makes you valuable. Haha.

TTL #5

If I had the chance to undo what's done, I wouldn't. Unleashing the evil of the world, Pandora regretted and deeply saddened, but at the bottom of Pandora's Box, she found Hope.

Life: Story of Two Wolves

An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them 

"A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolves is evil - he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The sane fight is going on inside you, and inside every person too."

They thought about it for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather,

"Which wolf will win, grandpa?"

The elder simply replied,

"The one you feed."

Song: Can't Take My Eyes Off You

Well, this one is by Lady Antebellum. Not by Frankie Valli and The 4 Seasons. A slow song that can put you into deep sleep.

So lay here beside me, just hold me and don't let go

But I didn't, I didn't

Vid: Meme Proposal

Aish, kenapa lah zaman sekarang orang proposed semua nak stylo milo jer. Nah amik lagi satu marriage proposal video. Kali ni 9gag style. Ada kiss scene *winkwink*.

Bila orang proposed style-style, rasa nak buat jugak. Okay, too early. Still have time, and first thing first, enjoy my life as an engineering student (suffer).

Proposed like a boss

p/s: awek cun lelaki macam nerd. jealous.

Poetry: Ten Thousand Leaves

The crimson sunset

sets these forbidden fields aglow

wave not, for the guards may find us

Princess Nukata; Japanese poetry

The human heart never changes, circumstance does

p/s: that's why I love watching Chihayafuru. Can I name my daughter Chihaya?

Wordless Wednesday #11

rainbow ice-cream :)

p/s: ingat nak sambung Turn Back The Pendulum, tapi takde pulak kejadian or situasi yang mengingatkan aku kepada perkara best untuk entri kelima TBTP. Writer's block. Any idea?

Random And Radical Boredom #7

On a side note;

menarilah dan terus tertawa

walau dunia tak seindah surga

bersyukurlah pada yang Kuasa

cinta kita di dunia

selamanya

-Laskar Pelangi-

Vid: Proposed & Engaged

Semoga berkekalan. Still a better love story than twilight. Haha

Life: Final Exam

Final starts next week on Friday.

Hypothesis, the nearer the final exam, the more time you spend on something useless.

Hypothesis accepted.

I spent my free time with going out, watching movie and sleep. Supposedly this time of the year, my enthusiasm to face the final exam boosts up but the opposite is happening. Though all assignments were done and what's left is just a couple of essays that need to be submitted next week.

The gap is long and I've only two classes left. I don't know what's wrong. Probably everything is going well according to my plan and all these make me laid back and relax.

Wahai hati, jangan kalah kepada benda lagha. I've to keep my will strong. 3 months have passed and now it's the end of semester. If I fall here after all the hard works, I'll be unfair to myself.

Final? Challenge accepted.

Some of you probably done with your papers. Happy holiday but to those who are still struggling and pull out an all nighter for the exams, good luck. Jia you !! Gambatte !! Fighting !!

Berhati-hati dengan hati :)

Random And Radical Boredom #6

It was snowing hard that day and the crazy thought came at midnight.

Running down to the courtyard and threw some snowballs at each other. We went all the way to CN Tower at 2 in the morning by foot.

Strong wind blew everything in sight. That was the first time I jumped onto a pile of snow covering the ground and make a snow angel of my own.

As I watched CN Tower glowing in different colours, we were shouting like mad men with running noses. And no s**t was given that day.

A cup of english toffee to end that crazy cold night.

And a fever later on.

Wordless Wednesday #10

Familiar?

TTL #4

Black, brown and white but I like mine bitter and sweet

Song: Permata Untuk Isteri

to future wife :)

ku ingin kau jadi wanita mulia

yang tahu harga budi dan hati

seorang lelaki bernama suami

Vid: Tomato

Ingat nak post hari jumaat tapi jumaat ada exam. And tak sempat nak ulas, so korang tengok lepas tu pandai-pandai sendiri lah ye.

Tomato, adorable indeed...

Wordless Wednesday #9

sudutkiri: Geology presentation was a success. Walaupun muka lecturer macam singa kebulur tak makan 3 bulan but at the end of class, she praised us.

Couldn't be happier.

Random question. Everyone talks about hikmah, but does anyone really understand it?

Life: Probably 9

Haha. No comment. Thanks Ain tolong scan gambar-gambar sekolah rendah

Correction, I was 7...

TTL #3

When things are covered in white, everything seems to become one.

The only time I seem to like winter is the moment when the snow is falling. I can't tolerate cold that well. But someday, I hope we meet again. When that time comes, I'm sure I'm ready for it.

Musim busy. Writer's block.

Inspiration, Y U NO COME ?

TTL #2

The feeling when the khatib cries while the reading the khutbah

Done for this week.

Lepas stress makan pizza. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal ( All praises to Allah in every circumstance )

Random And Radical Boredom #5

Headache.

Been skipping class this week. Maybe I should trust my teammates. And not put the burden of all works onto my shoulder.

There is an issue. To be honest, I really hate group project. It can be fun, sometimes. But most of the time, your teammates suck. Okay, that's too harsh. Not suck, they are nice, but when it comes to work, they, hurm, what's the correct word again, okay lets rephrase it

Your teammates don't have the capability that meets your expectation and also they do not show any promising effort in contributing even just an idea.

A part of it, I blame myself. I've had a nightmare in working with others where 90% of the work I've done it myself in a project a couple of years ago. Since then, I couldn't really trust people and I've always did the job myself or if in any possible condition, I'll monitor their work.

I'm glad if I can offer help to them, but if they just keep it shut and do their own stuffs, this is madness. On several occasions, I don't really care. I did the work for my own good. It's better to finish it rather than throwing a tantrum that will affect your marks at the end of the day. Sacrifice is what really needed at times.

I got issue, they got issue. I need to work this out before things go bad. I mean, not enough time with so many things to do.

Ya Allah, tabahkan hati ku...