Life: Better

A year ago, I might have been crawling on my knees to catch up with everything. I was solitary, and life grew crueler.

But it's all better now. Everyday has been kinder to me, and most importantly, I've learnt to be kinder to myself as well. The essence of respecting ourselves couldn't be more satisfying. Things we perceive before may or may not be essential in guiding us to find truth and serenity, but becoming kinder definitely helps us to see things through. 

Then, it came to mind. Is changing better? Or perhaps deep inside, it's far more scary than what I've been through. Though, at this point I manage to scrape through that part of a hectic student life, change is probably the last thing I want to do.

Solitary, I want company. 

I fooled myself because I didn't want to accept the fact that change is what I really needed. It haunted me as I was hanging and exhausted to take a further step to what I called "being different than what I was".

Walking alone was already difficult. Changing alone, the younger me couldn't have imagine that. Nor he couldn't decide. The first step for me was probably finding a new place. With new people, and new environment, so that I can start over.

Gladly, that helps. 

Learning to be sincere in everything I do helps me managing and conducting my everyday lives. If I'm not sincere enough in helping myself, there is no way others will. Praying to God may help me feel at ease, but the effort doesn't come from Him. It comes from me. Be courageous, because it takes a lot of strength to stand on your own, and this may become beneficial someday, I told myself.

I view myself as a different person each day. But obliviously, the principle is to be better. And gratefully, everything turned out well than I expected. While sense of arrogance or proud is part of nature, I believe avoiding them is a correct choice.

But as a human being who long for affection, and affected by emotions, rewarding oneself is simply enough to keep motivated. And also to avoid being discourage so at the end of the day, at least, I can justify what I was doing.

The shaping and moulding of a person - in context to this rant, that is me myself - doesn't stop here. When everything feels better, I tend to stop doing what I've kept in line. It is a profound knowledge that we often times forget what we used to be, when the day seems kinder and simpler. 

There is no other option than to keep struggling. Fighting this battle to the very end. Upon realization, when world is constantly changing, I trust my effort will pay off and keep moving ahead. Things that keep me going become an inspiration, aspiration and wisdom. Not to mention, a tool to keep me secured. 

Better? I am now.

Surely with difficulty is ease. With difficulty is surely ease. 

[Al-Insyirah, 94: 5 - 6]

p/s: malas nak update dah sebab for the next two weeks, dah busy. Baru je check notebook semua, and penuh reminder dengan tests, assignments, lab reports, and also study plan to catch up. May our weeks become kinder :)

Good luck Chong Wei !