I couldn't explain it myself. But lately, while everyone was chit-chatting during lunch, or during our break in between classes, I found myself listening to them without uttering a word, and when they looked at me, I just gave them a smile. I'm becoming a quieter person.
Well, there are times I could offer some thoughts to them on a random topic we're chatting about, but usually it's like a soliloquy, I talked and I'm the only one who can hear it. Sometimes, I was spacing out a little, imagining things like building a robot like gundam and go out to war, time-travelling, space-travelling and pretending how awesome it can be if I had superpower.
But when I'm alone, it's like I can talk to myself, like we're two of the same person in an alternate dimension discussing and fussing about random little things I (we) stumbled on facebook or on a local web newspaper. It then gets deep as I were debating with myself on a subject, but on most occasions, I (we) couldn't find any conclusion to that particular topic of conversation. Well, if you're talking to yourself, even if you pretend it's a different person, separating your mind into two seems impossible. That's why I always arrive at the same conclusion.
After a moment of silence and deep thought, this sentiment spontaneously made me blurted out a topic to talk with my friends (some of them are older) and we would chat till we feel the natural alarm to hit the sack. Education, politics, child development, world peace and many more. I prefer listening to their opinions rather than participating as an active panel or jury. I kinda feel like I'm growing old discussing about these things but on the other hand, understanding trivial issues doesn't kill at all. Holding to a concept of maturity doesn't come with ages.
Maybe it helps developing our maturity and to think straight, as I realized someday the day will come, when eventually I have to make all the decisions. Whether it makes a small or big impact to the world, it doesn't matter. Because one day, I still need to join this circle of society's interests, though it's still far ahead, for the future of my family and the significant role of me myself, as the head of my family, the citizen of this country and a working class man.
Unlike people of the older days, life was simpler. Another inch, we arrived on this era, where we can get sort of information, but we failed to interpret the message and analyzed the current situation, thanks to our educational system. I'm scared of the fact that I'm maybe one of the victims. An education that gives birth to a generation which scores more A's in examination rather than embracing and nurturing one's ability to process, manipulate, taking advantages of information and react.
In a simpler term, giving birth to robots that listen and do.
Soliloquy, if only people can see the beauty of "think" and "question".
Yadda yadda !
p/s: as much as I'm accustomed to coffee, I still suffer from the caffeine's effect. Huu...
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