Assalam. Hey, how was your day?
It's actually nice having someone asking you how do you do everyday. It makes you feel you're important in someone else's life. It's just a thought, but at times, I really want to feel it too.
Nothing much happened for the past few days. So ordinary. Thus, I'm always in deep thought mood. I think I'm scared. Or worried too much. Or being extra careful. I've been imagining things, fearful things that might happen tomorrow. Anything can happen right?
Especially death. Recently, there were too many cases or media reports on death. The new one was the zombie man. I can't bear the thought of having one of my family member passes away or getting injured. Everyone has been going their own way, and the only times we're able to see each other and getting together is during holiday. But then, getting the idea if one of them is missing or gone forever, I don't know what will happen to me. Undeniably sad?
I never once saw my father cry during a funeral. Maybe as a man of the family, he needs to stay strong. Everyone will die someday and if everyone feels weak over the death of their loved one, no one will ever move on. Everyone will need someone to comfort them and makes them realize their loved one isn't there any more. I bet it isn't going to be easy, but life still goes on. So I wonder if I can be as strong as my father, mentally.
During the Eid of 2011, we went to visit my grandfather's grave. Well, we will certainly visit the grave every Eid, but in 2011, it was a little bit different. Since my brother wasn't there, so I was asked by my father to conduct the yasin recital and du'a. Confused, because during every Eid, it is either going to be my father or my uncle (Pak Teh) to do the recital. I asked him why. He simply answered that I need to know how to do this and be prepared because maybe tomorrow, I need to recite it for him. I knew well of his intention. As a son who is going to take after the family, at least I need to learn this stuff. But then again, anyone will sadden if they think they're not going to have breakfast together tomorrow morning with their father. Forever.
I was shaken by the thought of losing anyone. Be it a family member or a closed friend. It scared me to the core.
As a muslim, certainly death is a reminder. Maybe we're not created for the world, maybe we're created for something greater and the only way to go there is by ripping off your soul from your physical body. Die. Of course, if we have attained imaan and live happily in Jannah.
I already bear in mind, deep inside, it's going to be sad. The question is, to what extend? I've never experienced it before, that's why it's so frustrating to just thinking about it, mixed with fear. It's not like I'm trying to scare everyone by posting something like this. But in actual fact, no one can escape death. So like it or not, prepare or not, it's going to happen. All in all, I wish to be someone who scare not of death, and at the same time, I wish to be prepared.
And lastly is du'a. Loving someone is a human's nature. But loving them by praying for their safety, hoping to reunite with them in Jannah is the greatest love of all. May our days be tender, and for us to be a faithful son or daughter, a loving friend, or perhaps a kind stranger. After all, our blood is still the same colour.
I ask of Him, if it's going to happen to me someday, grant me strength to overcome this heartbreaking test from You, ya Allah.
This post also reminds me to always make du'a for our brothers and sisters in middle east who are struggling everyday with painful calamities. May they become strong and hopefully someday, win is on their side.
Sorry if this is too intimidating.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
Life: Terkapai-kapai, mungkin
Aku ada melepak, jumpa dua orang ex-classmates hari tu, Acap and Faris (Bargak). Saje je pergi minum-minum and layan teh tarik after setahun tak jumpa. Last jumpa pun macam biasa, either raya or jamuan buka puasa Matrix (batch).
And macam biasa, bila dah jumpa member lama, yang first sekali is catching up with each other. Like study, works, life, and so forth. The next thing we talked about is our old classmates. Hasyim yang semakin jiwang tahap aku pun nak muntah, gosip-gosip baru, update lah mana-mana yang perlu diupdate.
Among kitorang bertiga, Acap lah yang paling matang sikit. Acap pursues Biology, both Faris and me take Civil Engineering. So when we discussed about our future, aku and Faris ada terfikir and meluahkan sekali yang kitorang ni, even lagi dua tiga tahun nak habis belajar still lagi terkapai-kapai. About our works after we graduate, future, love, marriage etc.
Seriously, aku agak setuju dengan Faris, yang student engineering mostly tak tahu kenapa diorang pursue engineering. After getting a good SPM result, since they didn't know what course to take, they chose engineering. Tak lah semua tapi realitinya memang wujud dekat dunia ni. Even sampai sekarang, we have no solid reason to study engineering. Even engineering is considered as a critical subject, engineering ni dah jadi macam last choice. If you have basic in math and physics, most likely you can go for engineering. But gradually, the feeling comes to you. Kenapa pilih engineering sekian-sekian?
Acap butted in on our conversation. Since he takes a different course from us, listening to his opinions might trigger something. Seperti yang semua orang tahu, it's all about passion. Sekali lagi, aku and Faris setuju, orang yang pursue course yang mereka minat or based on their passion, adalah lebih baik daripada kitorang yang masih lagi terkapai-kapai takde arah tuju ni. Even maybe course diorang tu tak dipandang tinggi sangat dalam masyarakat or orang anggap course tu remeh semacam je tak macam law, medic or engin, but partake in any subject which you'll dedicate yourself to, years from now, believe me, it will pay off your effort.
So, ini mengingatkan aku tentang diri aku dua tahun lepas. I was a mechanical engineering student. Now, I am civ student. Dari mechi lari ke civ, aku ada concrete reason nak tukar course. Actually, aku nak ambil medicine. Tapi aku ni haemophobia. So, kalau aku take medic, ada dua je probabilities. Either my haemophobia is cured or worse, aku memang tak boleh nak teruskan study. I couldn't risk the chance.
Aku takde minat yang particular yang boleh dibuat kerjaya, so I went for engin. Aku pun tak tahu nak ambil engineering apa, mechanical was a better choice that time, as it's considered as a general engineering. Tapi bila dah masuk mechi, ada banyak benda yang aku tak minat. So, after I finished first year, aku fikir betul-betul, buat research, and maybe civil engineering lebih sesuai since I'm an outdoor person. Plus, I used to be interested in geology.
Then, we came up with one thing, hikmah. Walaupun aku masih tak faham konsep hikmah, I can just conclude it as a leap of faith. Make a leap of faith. Just believe one thing you do right now will comes with benefits in the future. Maybe 5 to 10 years from now, or even longer.
And sekarang, walaupun aku tak berapa nak yakin, maybe I just have to strive for civil engineering. Things which I have to worry after I graduate, let the future me deal with them. Now, I just have to keep struggling. Resentment may comes later, but like I said, it's maybe a hikmah. Success is learning, failure is also learning. It's how you see those two things, how you treat yourself after a failure or success, how you identified your strengths and weaknesses and utilise them.
At least for now, I have one less thing to worry about. Catching up with old friends, definitely I need to do this often. Past is past, but for the future, we can always help each other.
And macam biasa, bila dah jumpa member lama, yang first sekali is catching up with each other. Like study, works, life, and so forth. The next thing we talked about is our old classmates. Hasyim yang semakin jiwang tahap aku pun nak muntah, gosip-gosip baru, update lah mana-mana yang perlu diupdate.
Among kitorang bertiga, Acap lah yang paling matang sikit. Acap pursues Biology, both Faris and me take Civil Engineering. So when we discussed about our future, aku and Faris ada terfikir and meluahkan sekali yang kitorang ni, even lagi dua tiga tahun nak habis belajar still lagi terkapai-kapai. About our works after we graduate, future, love, marriage etc.
Seriously, aku agak setuju dengan Faris, yang student engineering mostly tak tahu kenapa diorang pursue engineering. After getting a good SPM result, since they didn't know what course to take, they chose engineering. Tak lah semua tapi realitinya memang wujud dekat dunia ni. Even sampai sekarang, we have no solid reason to study engineering. Even engineering is considered as a critical subject, engineering ni dah jadi macam last choice. If you have basic in math and physics, most likely you can go for engineering. But gradually, the feeling comes to you. Kenapa pilih engineering sekian-sekian?
Acap butted in on our conversation. Since he takes a different course from us, listening to his opinions might trigger something. Seperti yang semua orang tahu, it's all about passion. Sekali lagi, aku and Faris setuju, orang yang pursue course yang mereka minat or based on their passion, adalah lebih baik daripada kitorang yang masih lagi terkapai-kapai takde arah tuju ni. Even maybe course diorang tu tak dipandang tinggi sangat dalam masyarakat or orang anggap course tu remeh semacam je tak macam law, medic or engin, but partake in any subject which you'll dedicate yourself to, years from now, believe me, it will pay off your effort.
So, ini mengingatkan aku tentang diri aku dua tahun lepas. I was a mechanical engineering student. Now, I am civ student. Dari mechi lari ke civ, aku ada concrete reason nak tukar course. Actually, aku nak ambil medicine. Tapi aku ni haemophobia. So, kalau aku take medic, ada dua je probabilities. Either my haemophobia is cured or worse, aku memang tak boleh nak teruskan study. I couldn't risk the chance.
Aku takde minat yang particular yang boleh dibuat kerjaya, so I went for engin. Aku pun tak tahu nak ambil engineering apa, mechanical was a better choice that time, as it's considered as a general engineering. Tapi bila dah masuk mechi, ada banyak benda yang aku tak minat. So, after I finished first year, aku fikir betul-betul, buat research, and maybe civil engineering lebih sesuai since I'm an outdoor person. Plus, I used to be interested in geology.
Then, we came up with one thing, hikmah. Walaupun aku masih tak faham konsep hikmah, I can just conclude it as a leap of faith. Make a leap of faith. Just believe one thing you do right now will comes with benefits in the future. Maybe 5 to 10 years from now, or even longer.
And sekarang, walaupun aku tak berapa nak yakin, maybe I just have to strive for civil engineering. Things which I have to worry after I graduate, let the future me deal with them. Now, I just have to keep struggling. Resentment may comes later, but like I said, it's maybe a hikmah. Success is learning, failure is also learning. It's how you see those two things, how you treat yourself after a failure or success, how you identified your strengths and weaknesses and utilise them.
Trust me, I'm an engineer
It's a long way to the top, if you wanna rock n' roll - AC/DC
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Random And Radical Boredom #17
Hai hai.
Actually, aku tak tahu nak update apa dekat blog ni. Ni lah masalah bila ada blog, takde idea nak tulis apa. Aku nak tulis dalam bahasa melayu hari ni sebab malas nak perah otak tulis dalam B.I. Nak fikir ayat, nak fikir perkataan sesuai, nak check grammar lagi. Tukar angin sikit.
So, cuti sekejap ni memang tak buat apa. Aku cuti, orang lain tak cuti. Cuti ni niat memang nak rehat jer. Nanti dah masuk belajar, mula lah merungut takde cuti. Walaupun aku selalu buat cuti umum sendiri (tak pergi kelas satu hari). Huhu. Ambil angin, jumpa member-member lama. Makan segala makanan yang aku idam sebab dekat uni kena jimat. Cuti ni habis semua aku balun.
Result semester lepas, Alhamdulillah. Wink-wink. Lepas lah dean's list. Bila dapat DL tu aku rasa biasa jer, happy lah jugak sebenarnya. Aku ada terfikir actually, bila dah dapat lah apa yang korang usaha kan, next is what? Nak continue struggle sebab korang dah dapat booster pemberi semangat or just sit back and relax sebab korang dah dapat apa yang korang hajatkan? Aku harap ia jadi moral support and motivation untuk terus berusaha. Target empat rata pulak ke. Dream big they say. It should be fun they say.
Anime Code Geass. 50 episodes. Waktu mula-mula tengok dulu, tak faham pun. Tak matang lagi sebab tengok pun cerita ni because dia ada robot and machine yang agak cool. Tapi bila tengok balik, walaupun ada unsur superstitious (intend to kill God, immortality, superpower etc), this is the best anime ever. Maksud aku message cerita tu. Malas nak cerita panjang, nanti nampak aku ni anime freak sangat walaupun aku tulis aku dah matang. Backfired, dush.
Aku rasa post-post lepas aku ada cakap nak shopping. Then, aku selongkar balik almari aku, banyak rupanya baju and seluar boleh pakai lagi. Tapi semua tu baju-baju baru and lawa and baru dua tiga kali pakai. Sayang pulak nak guna. So, cuti ni aku habiskan duit ke makanan, duit baju simpan. Terpaksa jugak lah rasmi baju-baju tu balik, apa guna beli baju tapi simpan.
Dan akhir kata, penyakit hati ni memang susah nak ubat kan?
Actually, aku tak tahu nak update apa dekat blog ni. Ni lah masalah bila ada blog, takde idea nak tulis apa. Aku nak tulis dalam bahasa melayu hari ni sebab malas nak perah otak tulis dalam B.I. Nak fikir ayat, nak fikir perkataan sesuai, nak check grammar lagi. Tukar angin sikit.
So, cuti sekejap ni memang tak buat apa. Aku cuti, orang lain tak cuti. Cuti ni niat memang nak rehat jer. Nanti dah masuk belajar, mula lah merungut takde cuti. Walaupun aku selalu buat cuti umum sendiri (tak pergi kelas satu hari). Huhu. Ambil angin, jumpa member-member lama. Makan segala makanan yang aku idam sebab dekat uni kena jimat. Cuti ni habis semua aku balun.
Result semester lepas, Alhamdulillah. Wink-wink. Lepas lah dean's list. Bila dapat DL tu aku rasa biasa jer, happy lah jugak sebenarnya. Aku ada terfikir actually, bila dah dapat lah apa yang korang usaha kan, next is what? Nak continue struggle sebab korang dah dapat booster pemberi semangat or just sit back and relax sebab korang dah dapat apa yang korang hajatkan? Aku harap ia jadi moral support and motivation untuk terus berusaha. Target empat rata pulak ke. Dream big they say. It should be fun they say.
Anime Code Geass. 50 episodes. Waktu mula-mula tengok dulu, tak faham pun. Tak matang lagi sebab tengok pun cerita ni because dia ada robot and machine yang agak cool. Tapi bila tengok balik, walaupun ada unsur superstitious (intend to kill God, immortality, superpower etc), this is the best anime ever. Maksud aku message cerita tu. Malas nak cerita panjang, nanti nampak aku ni anime freak sangat walaupun aku tulis aku dah matang. Backfired, dush.
Aku rasa post-post lepas aku ada cakap nak shopping. Then, aku selongkar balik almari aku, banyak rupanya baju and seluar boleh pakai lagi. Tapi semua tu baju-baju baru and lawa and baru dua tiga kali pakai. Sayang pulak nak guna. So, cuti ni aku habiskan duit ke makanan, duit baju simpan. Terpaksa jugak lah rasmi baju-baju tu balik, apa guna beli baju tapi simpan.
Dan akhir kata, penyakit hati ni memang susah nak ubat kan?
Monday, May 21, 2012
Song: Circle Of Life
Who doesn't like Lion King? A step further into becoming an adult, watching again all my favourite (cartoon) movies when I was young, I simply break into tears. Demmit. Maybe because at this age, I finally understood.
It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle
Circle of Life
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Friday, May 18, 2012
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