Song: The Freedom Song

And when I feel good, I sing the joy it brings

Vid: My Generasi

I want to remember how my childhood used to be like. And after so long, I realize the benefits of the social establishment during that time. We may not understand it when we're little, but look at us now.

Quoting 9gag,

"If you remember this, you are awesome"

Life: Soliloquy

Inside those little hidden heart, everyone is a philosopher.

I couldn't explain it myself. But lately, while everyone was chit-chatting during lunch, or during our break in between classes, I found myself listening to them without uttering a word, and when they looked at me, I just gave them a smile. I'm becoming a quieter person.

Well, there are times I could offer some thoughts to them on a random topic we're chatting about, but usually it's like a soliloquy, I talked and I'm the only one who can hear it. Sometimes, I was spacing out a little, imagining things like building a robot like gundam and go out to war, time-travelling, space-travelling and pretending how awesome it can be if I had superpower.

But when I'm alone, it's like I can talk to myself, like we're two of the same person in an alternate dimension discussing and fussing about random little things I (we) stumbled on facebook or on a local web newspaper. It then gets deep as I were debating with myself on a subject, but on most occasions, I (we) couldn't find any conclusion to that particular topic of conversation. Well, if you're talking to yourself, even if you pretend it's a different person, separating your mind into two seems impossible. That's why I always arrive at the same conclusion.

After a moment of silence and deep thought, this sentiment spontaneously made me blurted out a topic to talk with my friends (some of them are older) and we would chat till we feel the natural alarm to hit the sack. Education, politics, child development, world peace and many more. I prefer listening to their opinions rather than participating as an active panel or jury. I kinda feel like I'm growing old discussing about these things but on the other hand, understanding trivial issues doesn't kill at all. Holding to a concept of maturity doesn't come with ages.

Maybe it helps developing our maturity and to think straight, as I realized someday the day will come, when eventually I have to make all the decisions. Whether it makes a small or big impact to the world, it doesn't matter. Because one day, I still need to join this circle of society's interests, though it's still far ahead, for the future of my family and the significant role of me myself, as the head of my family, the citizen of this country and a working class man.

Unlike people of the older days, life was simpler. Another inch, we arrived on this era, where we can get sort of information, but we failed to interpret the message and analyzed the current situation, thanks to our educational system. I'm scared of the fact that I'm maybe one of the victims. An education that gives birth to a generation which scores more A's in examination rather than embracing and nurturing one's ability to process, manipulate, taking advantages of information and react.

In a simpler term, giving birth to robots that listen and do.

Soliloquy, if only people can see the beauty of "think" and "question". 

Yadda yadda !

p/s: as much as I'm accustomed to coffee, I still suffer from the caffeine's effect. Huu...

Song: We Are Young

Lagu peneman masa study. Bila otak dah jam, mula lah nak melalak pitching tinggi.

Random And Radical Boredom #13

Hai hai.

Lama gak tak update. Penat tulis report, singgah lah sini kejap. Sapu sikit mana-mana debu yang ada.

Update, aku rasa kalau nak cerita pasal minggu lepas, and minggu ini serta minggu depan semua pasal assignment, midterm tests, and lab report. Dah bagitahu kot post sebelum ni.

But anyway, Alhamdulillah untuk test Mechanic of Material (Solid). Damn, kata nak bagi formula. Mahu terkebil-kebil aku jawab nak ingat formula. Nasib baik lah satu soalan je yang terkebil-kebil. Alhamdulillah, lecturer baik ambil markah jalan kira. Boleh kata ace jugak lah test minggu lepas. Kalau ingat formula, boleh full mark kot. Uhuk, cam takbur pulak.

Test D.E (Differential Equation), lagi susah dari past years. Apsal lah tahun-tahun aku ni semua nak buat soalan susah jer. Tapi boleh lah jawab. Aku rasa jela boleh jawab, takde nak tinggal ruang kosong, betul atau salah tu belum tahu lagi. Tapi benda dah lepas, so tawakkal jela dapat result okay. Target dean list kot sem ni. Haha.

Aku baru sempat nak baca buku Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh Penakluk Konstantinopel. Baru separuh. Tsk tsk, umur dah nak masuk 21, achievement apa lah sangat aku ni. Takat result SPM tu, tak bawak perubahan pun dekat dunia ni. Tapi asalkan diri dah berubah jadi lebih baik sikit dari semalam, okay lah tu. Buat mana yang mampu. Tsk tsk lagi.

Oh, ada benda baru masuk dalam wishlist seumur hidup. Nak naik hot air ballon. Lagi best, dapat dating dengan bini naik hot air ballon tengok sunset. Gila berangan, tapi lepas buat kira-kira, tak mustahil kot. Sikit-sikit post pasal kahwin dekat facebook, aku nak propose masa naik hot air ballon tu. Amacam? Takde orang buat lagi kot. Haha, berangan lebih.

So, akhir kata, aku ada lagi 3 test. Satu jumaat ni, 2 lagi minggu depan. Doakan !

Oh, nak kucing. Kalau lah tak kena sertu pegang anjing, dah lama dah aku bela husky

Life: Better

A year ago, I might have been crawling on my knees to catch up with everything. I was solitary, and life grew crueler.

But it's all better now. Everyday has been kinder to me, and most importantly, I've learnt to be kinder to myself as well. The essence of respecting ourselves couldn't be more satisfying. Things we perceive before may or may not be essential in guiding us to find truth and serenity, but becoming kinder definitely helps us to see things through. 

Then, it came to mind. Is changing better? Or perhaps deep inside, it's far more scary than what I've been through. Though, at this point I manage to scrape through that part of a hectic student life, change is probably the last thing I want to do.

Solitary, I want company. 

I fooled myself because I didn't want to accept the fact that change is what I really needed. It haunted me as I was hanging and exhausted to take a further step to what I called "being different than what I was".

Walking alone was already difficult. Changing alone, the younger me couldn't have imagine that. Nor he couldn't decide. The first step for me was probably finding a new place. With new people, and new environment, so that I can start over.

Gladly, that helps. 

Learning to be sincere in everything I do helps me managing and conducting my everyday lives. If I'm not sincere enough in helping myself, there is no way others will. Praying to God may help me feel at ease, but the effort doesn't come from Him. It comes from me. Be courageous, because it takes a lot of strength to stand on your own, and this may become beneficial someday, I told myself.

I view myself as a different person each day. But obliviously, the principle is to be better. And gratefully, everything turned out well than I expected. While sense of arrogance or proud is part of nature, I believe avoiding them is a correct choice.

But as a human being who long for affection, and affected by emotions, rewarding oneself is simply enough to keep motivated. And also to avoid being discourage so at the end of the day, at least, I can justify what I was doing.

The shaping and moulding of a person - in context to this rant, that is me myself - doesn't stop here. When everything feels better, I tend to stop doing what I've kept in line. It is a profound knowledge that we often times forget what we used to be, when the day seems kinder and simpler. 

There is no other option than to keep struggling. Fighting this battle to the very end. Upon realization, when world is constantly changing, I trust my effort will pay off and keep moving ahead. Things that keep me going become an inspiration, aspiration and wisdom. Not to mention, a tool to keep me secured. 

Better? I am now.

Surely with difficulty is ease. With difficulty is surely ease. 

[Al-Insyirah, 94: 5 - 6]

p/s: malas nak update dah sebab for the next two weeks, dah busy. Baru je check notebook semua, and penuh reminder dengan tests, assignments, lab reports, and also study plan to catch up. May our weeks become kinder :)

Good luck Chong Wei !

Song: Sunny Day

Tomorrow please be sunny. Sampai bila baju tak kering kalau macam ni.